Jason's Untimely Thoughts

This weekend the Tigers host the Texas Tech University Red Raiders. It’s Homecoming with an 11:30 kickoff time. Kennett, Missouri’s own Sheryl Crow (or Columbia’s own, or St. Louis’ own depending on which radio station you’re listening to) will be grand marshall of the festivities. Word has it that she’s very short and her mom is mad at her cause she’s passed birthing age without making any babies.

Despite knowing a few people from Kennett now that I like, I hated them in high school. Mostly, that’s because their band played a song slightly more annoying than the Atlanta Braves’ tomahawk chop at every opportunity. I distinctly remember yelling over at them during the second half of a football game to shut up. (glory days). There used to be a great sporting goods store in Kennett though. That’s where everyone cool went to buy Air Jordans.

I’ll be at the tailgate by 9, not sure if the ladies will be there or not pre-game. Very low key on the food due to the early start. As always, if you’d like us to haul stuff for you, drop it by the house on Friday night sometime.

Texas Tech is the only thing in the entire state that even the Texans can’t stand. Their student base consists of those too ugly or too poor to get into UT and too dumb to go to A&M. If you’ve ever been around a crowd of Aggies, you know being too dumb to fit in is quite an accomplishment. If you see a Red Raider fan, tell them to “Git yur guns up” and watch them proudly make the “Loser” sign with their right hand.

This is the toughest game remaining on the Tigers schedule, I think, but we should pull out another home victory to move to 6-2. After this week, we’ll be favored in every remaining game. Last week’s Texas Tech game took 4 hours and 20 minutes, so bring a lunch and some comfy shoes. Brad Smith and Zack Abron will combine for 1,000,000 yards in total offense this game, which might be some sort of record. However, a string of 9 consecutive 1-yard punts will hold our scoring down. I predict a 51-38 MU victory.

So far my predictions have been pretty good. I was informed that I missed the actual time of the goalpost downfall by a few minutes, but I think all will agree that portion was insignificant. We’ll kindly not refer to the debacle in the state to the west again this season.

This e-mail is too long, i’m sorry. On a side note, screw ku.

If you’re unsure of your pre-game breakfast drink, perhaps consider the following:
Red Raider
1/2 oz Triple sec
1 oz Bourbon
1 oz Lemon juice
1 dash Grenadine
Mixing instructions:
Shake all ingredients with ice, strain into a cocktail glass, and serve.

The bugeaters from the University of Noweldge come to town this Saturday, with kick off scheduled for 6:00 p.m. While not technically scheduled, the north end zone goal post will fall at 9:13 p.m., officially ending the hex over that blasted north end zone and erasing a disgustingly miserable performance two weeks ago from my memory. (My personal advice, next time some bastard chickenhawk fan talks smack to you about the game, punch them in the teeth.)

I’ll be at the tailgate spot by 3:00 at the latest, if anyone is interested in being there earlier than that, let me know and I can do that too. The visiting fans tend to arrive early for this game, so parking will be even more at a premium. As always, feel free to drop stuff by the house Friday night and I’ll throw it in the truck to haul for you.

Also at a premium on Saturday will be White blue jeans. If you have any White jeans in your closet, preferably size 40″ waist or larger, bring those to the game to hawk to the stupid huskers. Husker fans in white blue jeans, Mildcat fans in purple camouflage, which is worse?

Finally, someone please bring a bb gun to shoot that dope of an inflated mascot they’ve got. (You can carry concealed weapons in MO starting the day a team notorious for felons comes to town, no further proof needed that the legislature is full of idiots).

as stated previously this year, you can’t spell “nebraska sucks” without ku. A Neebraska football player couldn’t spell “Nebraska sucks” if you spotted them the “Nebraska” and the “ucks”.