Jason's Untimely Thoughts

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Archive for June, 2010

Talking About Talking

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Adelaide and I have twice gone to an appointment with a counselor, after the relatively recent story of her wanting to talk with someone.  I had no idea where to go, so called our pediatrician for a recommendation then went to that place.

It’s a “counseling agency providing therapy from a Christian perspective” which freaks me out for mostly known reasons.  Basically, some of that stuff is scarier than the unknown.  And leads to questions with answers of “God’s plan” which is not really how I want Adelaide to think of her mom’s death.  Just because I don’t have a better answer doesn’t mean I have to accept that one.  Generally speaking, I’d just like to be in control of how and where the kids are exposed to religion.

Although it makes sense, I’m also not in the room when Adelaide and the counselor talk (unless Adelaide wants me to be, which she did the first visit) and am not privy to what they discuss.  Throw that lack of control and knowledge with my paranoia and worry on the religious side of the therapy, Adelaide’s therapy is generally not therapeutic for me thus far.  Perhaps, to quote Flavor Flav, I “got problems of my own.”

After the two visits, Adelaide likes it a lot.  I’m not at all convinced, though, that she doesn’t enjoy it simply for some individual attention with an adult female.  Can I quote Flavor Flav again here?  Anyway, we’re headed out of town so the next two visits are cancelled, giving me a chance to figure out both how much Adelaide is getting out of it and where I stand on the thing.

While in their safely lit slightly comfortable waiting room, I also have the fun of completing page after page after page of forms.    After too many to count instance of names, dates, numbers, emergency contact numbers, important people in your life, what are those names again, any major medical issues, when did you last wet the bed, sorry, the names once again, the last two questions were:  “Describe an important family value” and “How would you describe the child as a person?”

Now “describe an important family value” is an open-ended nightmare, but being asked to describe the child you brought to therapy while also being nervous about what’s being said in both directions, and the lack of knowledge I’d have about that, is even worse.  I think she’s great and happy.  So either the therapist agrees and we all wonder why we’re here, or she doesn’t and my lack of insight to the kid shines back on me.  Stupid blanks.

In the end, I answered as follows.  Our important family value is “Be nice, courteous, and laugh.”  I should have added something about grammatical parallelism evidently.  And described Adelaide as “smart, funny, creative, polite, and generous.”  I’m happy with both of those answers, so therapy accomplished that, at least.

Sidenote, true story, not only do I have problems of my own, I also have a rip in my couch.

Written by Jason Becking

June 24th, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Posted in Mindless Ramblings

Cougar Basketball Academy

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Adelaide, Jack, and Payton are each at Cougar Basketball Academy at Columbia College this week, which has been quite fun.  Every year I worked over there, I’d make a point to stop by and watch this camp, because it was so fun(ny).  Was especially easy the few years my office was in the gym.  Exceptionally funnier when you know the kids out there, though.  Watching Jack dribble around like crazy with his tongue sticking out made me smile bigger than anything in recent memory.  Similarly, watching Adelaide be hesitant, then completely get into it was great.  Or trying to catch up to Payton running around.  Good stuff.

Here are some pics.

Written by Jason Becking

June 17th, 2010 at 11:46 am

Summers and Birthdays, Memories and Dri Fit

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This is the first week of summer vacation for the kids, which means the first week of sitter roulette at the house.  Our now long-time sitter has the kids two days each week, a new sitter has them another two days, with a grandma taking care of the final day.  Both kids are scheduled for Columbia College basketball camp next week, with soccer camp and vacation bible school coming later this summer.   We’ll also take a trip to Colorado over the 4th of July – no real plans, just for fun.

Today is also Jack’s birthday, he’s now five.   So five years ago yesterday, about the time of this writing, I rushed home from work to pick up Sarah and speed to the hospital.  We got a slight police escort through downtown and rushed inside before things slowed down dramatically, a monster thunderstorm came through Columbia, and JTB was eventually delivered via c-section around 1:35 in the morning of June 9.

Adelaide whispering secrets to Jack

Also means, of course, that Sarah’s birthday and our anniversary have just passed, and that another memorable time of the year is coming right up.  Except for Jack’s birthday, none of the other dates are especially difficult or troubling for me.  I certainly wish Sarah was around whenever we’re celebrating something, but don’t necessarily miss her more or think of her more on the ‘bad’ days.  In all, it’s just a time of the year with a lot of memories.

At least yesterday, the same seems to be true for Adelaide.  Occasionally she’ll be upset, especially around bed time, with the only real verbal explanation that she misses mommy.  This happened extremely rarely early on, has become a bit more frequent over the last 6-8 months, but is still not a common thing.  Right or wrong, more than once I’ve at least partially chalked it up to avoiding bedtime.  Not saying she didn’t miss Sarah or wasn’t upset, but that it seemed to be at least as much about going to bed.

Last night was a little different, she was both very upset and more willing to talk to me about it than normal.  She said she was just thinking about mommy, “what she looked like and stuff”, and became upset.  After a little time and a little talking, said she was just thinking about “how nice she was and how fun she was”.  At which point of course I’m crying, even though Adelaide isn’t anymore.

In all, I think it’s healthy, although it hurts me to watch her go through it.  She’d spent some time weekly recently with the counselor at school, “talking about memories” so I think she might be missing that some too.  From the moment I told the kids about Sarah being gone, Adelaide has been very hesitant to talk to me about anything except happy memories, and wouldn’t let me see her upset for a long time.  As she fell asleep last night, she said she might like to find someone to talk with about memories and such, so I’ve scheduled an introductory appointment for that to happen.  No matter what, I think it’ll be good for her to have someone to talk freely with.

On a completely different topic, I had a great time on my trip to Dallas a few weeks ago.  If you ever think about going to the Byron Nelson golf tournament, you should.  Especially if you have a hook up like we ended up with.  Or appreciate sun dresses.  Or booze.  Same thing for a Jimmy Buffet concert, even if you’re a music snob (Sammy).  And if you’re a single male aged 35 or below, I’d recommend you go to one of those events, then just never leave Dallas.

Finally, I’m so sick of the PacBig1012141618 expansion “reporting”.  Someone text me when it’s over.  And I’m becoming a little obsessed with Dri Fit clothing.  If anyone has a closet full of golf shirts/t-shirts/shorts made of the deliciously wicking fabric, I’ll be happy to come take some off your hands.  On a PacBig1012141618 note, screw ku (although I sincerely wish that Mizzou, Nebraska, and ku would all go to the Big 10 should that really shake out).

Written by Jason Becking

June 9th, 2010 at 1:48 pm