Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Numerous times this year I’ve commented about football season being the happiest time of the year. It hasn’t exactly been true inside the stadium, but the tailgating has been grand. Friends, family, perfect weather, and numerous kiddos at the tailgate have been great. Now on to the hatred….

It all comes to a close this Saturday when our beloved Tigers take on the mythical shoe-wearing bird, woody woodpecker look-alike, wouldn’t trade Roy Williams for God, even though he’s a smarmy lying aw-shucks acting, cursing on national TV, scum who now coaches somewhere else scum, football head coach got kicked out of his son’s game for berating the official, fans will be quick to point out how much “class” they have while wearing their “Muck Fizzou” shirt, named after Civil War era vagabond redleggers from the smelly state to our west scum.

I’ve personally asked several people in the athletic department to instruct Coach Pinkel to beat KU by 100 points, so I’m confident it will be so. Either way, I plan on bringing a baseball bat to the game in case that shoe-wearing bird of a mascot comes my way. I’m scared of giant stuffed woodpeckers, or so I’ll tell the police. It’s like those tiny ears of corn you get at banquets, simply not natural.

Kickoff is at 1:00 p.m. Weather forecast currently says cloudy and cool for gametime. We’ll be out at the tailgate by 11:00 or so. It’s Senior Day at Farout Field, so go inside early and yell at a senior…., uh, give a senior the clap…. well, you get the idea.

You can’t spell “sucks” with KU.

Quote from beaker defensive end Charlton Keith, as reported on KU’s website earlier this week. “I have gained a lot of weight since I’ve been here. Coach Mangino has been patient with me, teaching me different techniques and a lot of other things.”

Rock chalk chickenhawk, screw ku.

The Mildcats from Kansass State University come to Columbia this Saturday. They are so poor that can’t even afford a whole uniform for their mascot. Just send the dope out there with a head on his head.

While certainly not of the stature we thought it would be at the beginning of the season, the game could hardly be more important for the Tigers. After we beat the little applets, Nebraska will get beat by the Tornado-Birds from ISU. That will put us in a three-way tie for first place in the north. As we all know, tied up in a three way is a good place to be. (On a similar topic, is there any possible way our esteemed President doesn’t giggle and smile everytime he hears the word “election” while he thinks to himself, “that rhymes with ‘erection’ “.)

Kick off is at 11:30 a.m., which will traditionally put a serious dent in the tailgating crowd. I’ll be there by 10, no promises from Sarah or AEB on their attendance. Who am I kidding, i’ll probably be there by 9. come see me!

Please disregard the earlier K-State Wins e-mail from this address… my computer was hijacked by the pessimistic jokers that sit around us (“Did you see that Bob? That Bill Snyder is the best coach in the country. What we should do is, line up 15 men to the right of the center and then throw it back to the left. And we should do that all day, because when Devine was here I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time….”)

The e-mail prior to that mentioned comparison of Orange Pants, Purple Camos, and mythical shoe-wearing birds. While the OSU crowd had a poor showing in their orange pants, you can count on the most obnoxious fans of the past 10 years to have a proud showing of purple camoflouge pants. We’re trending upward on disgustivity, peaking in 2 weeks with an influx of the dozens of KU football fans.

Jungle was coming in for the game, but he’s going to Hawaii instead. Silly jungle.