Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Our beloved Tigers are undefeated in Big XII action, and play the Longhorns from the University of Texas on Saturday at 11:00 a.m. Texass is ranked #2 in the country, although their quarterback would be in a battle to be the second-string guy on our team. Regardless, they will put our undefeated record to the test. Good omens abound, though, so prepare yourselves for the victory. Brad Smith is the man, and we’ll see on the field proof once again on Saturday.

If you’ve ever lived in Texas, odds are you hate UT. Primarily that’s because their fans are obnoxious. It’s all kind of odd, because their most obnoxious fans were typically too dumb, too poor, or too ugly (or all three) to get into UT, but still find a way to cheer for the Longhorns and claim they invented everything from the Split T to the fastbreak and that everything’s bigger and better in Texas. The people that went to UT are normally OK, it’s the hangers-on (George W) for example) that ruin it for the rest of them.

If you’ve never lived in Texas, odds are you also hate UT. Whether it’s the ugly all-white uniforms, the constant barrage of “I’ve been working on the railroad” when they come to town, the 15-20 60-yeard old men that go to every Big XII basketball tournament game insisting on dressing alike and sitting together, the idiotic “Don’t Mess with Texas” coffee mugs that also get associated with the flagship university, or the random Texans you run into that claim they invented everything from the Split T to the fastbreak and that everything’s bigger and better in Texas. Nothing says tough guy like a joker with a coffee mug.

If it wasn’t for the smelly prairie chickens to our west, the ‘horns would clearly be the most despised team in the conference. The only redeeming quality is Texas Toast, who doesn’t love huge pieces of butter-covered bread?

Tailgating will start at 9:00, for sure, probably earlier. No idea what food will or won’t be there.

p.s. No offense intended to anyone actually named “Tex” who received this e-mail, anyone that might have mistakenly voted for GW, or anyone who might happen to live in the state of Texas. I’m not intending to mess with you and your fancy coffee mug.

It’s been a decidedly unfunny week, set into motion by a decidedly unfunny football game. Instead of being 7.692% of the way to an undefeated season, naysayers abound saying the Tigers are approximately 18% of the way to a 5-6 season. Down with naysayers. If Bob Marley’s taught us anything it’s that positive vibes can make it so (along with the ganja). One Love. “One love! one heart! Let’s get together and feel all right.” Sadly the next line mentions children crying, so even Rasta may not save us now.

Tomorrow, the Tigers take on the Trojans from Troy. How long do you think that mascot decision took? I guess the Troy Troys was too obvious. How would you like our nickname to be the Mizzou Missourians? Last year, the Trojans beat the Tigers, but their best player now plays for the Dallas Cowboys so all is forgiven. Oddsmakers place the Tiggs at 20+ point favorites, so place your bets.

Game time is at 1:00 p.m. We’ll be tailgating by 11:00. For some reason, I have a feeling there won’t be much of a crowd.

p.s. I never saw the movie Troy, but assume it was bad since Brad Pitt was in it. insert standard Brad Pitt/college drop-out/Springfield redneck joke here.

Happy Football Season Tiger fans,

The Tigers play their first home game this Saturday night, with kickoff scheduled for 6:00 p.m. We play the Lobos from New Mexico. For anyone interested in correcting my Mexican above, don’t bother. Like all good sophisticants, I took French. I can’t begin to tell you how useful French was in Malden, Mo. Comment ca va? If you’re not planning on attending the game, you can fly to Albuquerque and watch it on TV.

Sarah & I will be tailgating once again, same spot as last year (Lot D). As with the first game last year, we’ll be coupled with my work tailgate, so come out and watch the show. Buckingham’s will be bringing a bunch of BBQ to be served at 4:00 and we’ll have ample beer, lemonade, and tea, for you and yours. I’ll probably be out there by 2:00 or so, almost certainly before that really, but there’s only so much fun one man can have with 2 kegs.

The Tigers are 1-0, exactly 7.692% of the way to their undefeated season. Naysayers, be warned. Mizzou beat the Indians of Arkansas State at Arrowhead Stadium last week, almost certainly causing an NCAA investigation into native american mascot abuse. In retribution, Arkansas beat “Mizzou State” last week, but nothing like I’d like to, the name stealing bastards.