Starving Tiger Eats Bloated Bevo
Our beloved Tigers are undefeated in Big XII action, and play the Longhorns from the University of Texas on Saturday at 11:00 a.m. Texass is ranked #2 in the country, although their quarterback would be in a battle to be the second-string guy on our team. Regardless, they will put our undefeated record to the test. Good omens abound, though, so prepare yourselves for the victory. Brad Smith is the man, and we’ll see on the field proof once again on Saturday.
If you’ve ever lived in Texas, odds are you hate UT. Primarily that’s because their fans are obnoxious. It’s all kind of odd, because their most obnoxious fans were typically too dumb, too poor, or too ugly (or all three) to get into UT, but still find a way to cheer for the Longhorns and claim they invented everything from the Split T to the fastbreak and that everything’s bigger and better in Texas. The people that went to UT are normally OK, it’s the hangers-on (George W) for example) that ruin it for the rest of them.
If you’ve never lived in Texas, odds are you also hate UT. Whether it’s the ugly all-white uniforms, the constant barrage of “I’ve been working on the railroad” when they come to town, the 15-20 60-yeard old men that go to every Big XII basketball tournament game insisting on dressing alike and sitting together, the idiotic “Don’t Mess with Texas” coffee mugs that also get associated with the flagship university, or the random Texans you run into that claim they invented everything from the Split T to the fastbreak and that everything’s bigger and better in Texas. Nothing says tough guy like a joker with a coffee mug.
If it wasn’t for the smelly prairie chickens to our west, the ‘horns would clearly be the most despised team in the conference. The only redeeming quality is Texas Toast, who doesn’t love huge pieces of butter-covered bread?
Tailgating will start at 9:00, for sure, probably earlier. No idea what food will or won’t be there.
p.s. No offense intended to anyone actually named “Tex” who received this e-mail, anyone that might have mistakenly voted for GW, or anyone who might happen to live in the state of Texas. I’m not intending to mess with you and your fancy coffee mug.