Jason's Untimely Thoughts

I don’t understand home fans booing the home team in college (or heaven forbid younger) sports. I simply don’t get it. However, if you’re going to do it, have the courage and conviction to stick to it when things are going well.

If you insist on booing during the bad times, have enough self-pride to stay opposed to the team when things are going well. Unhappiness, I get. Booing, I don’t.

Don’t scream and boo at Coach Pinkel, for example, when you’re wanting Brad Smith to take a snap under center, then scream and cheer 5 seconds later as #16 is running 50 yards for a touchdown (I’m looking at you, KC Tiger club president).

Don’t boo and yell idiotic statements at Coach Snyder, then cheer like crazy for the last 30 seconds of regulation and during OT of the KU game, only to go back to immediately being idiot boy during the next game (I’m looking at you, top row of Section 108 in Mizzou Arena).

The kids are kids. 18-22 years old, in most cases. How many stupid things did I do or say when I was 20 years old? There aren’t enough words and I’d be too embarrassed to type them if there were. I wouldn’t want 5 people to sit around and watch me work for an hour, much less 10-60,000 fanatics.

The kids are playing the game and the coaches are coaching. Give them credit for the effort and respect for their time. Losing sucks, but not as bad as booing your own team.

I work with several people who go to a lot of basketball games, but are relatively new to Columbia. Their history with MU athletics basically consists of 1-2 games in Hearnes, a few football games in one of the suites, and the past 2 years in Mizzou Arena.

Amazing to talk with them today, the day after the first time they sat in the middle of a great college basketball environment. Couldn’t believe it was so loud, never understood why the buzzer was so loud before, etc.

Games like last night’s victory over KU are why the Arena was built. (And a $20 M donation.) I arrived 45 minutes prior to tip-off and saw the student section already almost full. First-come first-served seating at it’s finest. Late in the game, the tower of students clearly impacted the game. Students, that’s what the games are supposed to be like. Keep coming, keep coming early, keep being loud and you can impact our win total.

I know this isn’t all that insightful, but I couldn’t stand to have a post about not hating KU enough remain at the top any longer.

Great game, great outcome, screw ku.

Normally, when Mizzou plays KU in anything, but especially football or basketball, I experience a happy combination of hatred, disrespect, gleeful anticipation, and more hatred.

However, here we are a mere 4 hours away from tipoff against the mythical shoe-wearing birds, and I can barely muster a profanity. Maybe it’s because they’re not all that good this year or the game is too early in the Big 12 season to have much animosity or importance built up. Perhaps because I like their coach better than they like their coach.

Regardless, here are some reasons I do hate KU.

• Their fans, particularly females and little kids, will scream at you about how much classier KU fans are than MU fans. The females will likely be wearing a “Muck Fizzou” shirt while doing the screaming.
• Because Roy Williams used to be their coach and they loved him.
• During this timeframe, several male students proudly dressed up as “Roy’s Boys” and were paraded on TV every game.
• They are the only school in the history of NCAA to be placed on probation immediately after winning a national championship, yet are still held up as an idyllic institution.
• Their recent admitted NCAA violations are enough to make Jerry Tarkanian blush and should make the NCAA and KC media embarrassed to have reported on MU’s violations, yet almost nothing on KU’s admitted wrong-doings have been reported in k@~$@$ or KC media, much less the supposed ongoing NCAA investigation into the prairie chickens.
• Their mascot is a bird that wears shoes. Not sufficient, this evidently flightless bird also has a shoe-wearing wife and offspring.
• This mascot was named, proudly I’d imagine, after a group of marauding, pillaging scumbags.
• They played an ineligible player against MU in football, thereby costing Mizzou a #1 ranking that season.
• Their band plays an off-key awful version of the Tiger Fight Song prior to home games against Mizzou. Again, while some kid or female is screaming at you about how classy they are.
• If you happen to wear a red shirt around a beaker fan, they’ll say “Hey, that looks like #!$hawk crimson you’re wearing.” A blue shirt will prompt a similar response. Hey morons, you don’t own Red & Blue. US flag look familiar to you? KC Royals? St L Blues? StL Rams? KC Chiefs? St L Cardinals? If you can’t decide between either of the two most popular colors in the world for your mascot, and then also work Black & Gold into your uniforms, get over the fact that someone else might occasionally wear one of your colors.
• They pretend K-State is their most bitter rival, then cheer for KSU when playing Mizzou. Morons. Or as a KU grad recently called me with no apparent clue even after I pointed it out to her, “Moran.”

Rock chalk chickenhawk, screw ku.

I don’t understand why we continue the tradition of funerals as they have come to be held. Sad songs, sappy lyrics, sentimental pictures and tacky programs force fed to a flock of silent onlookers uncomfortably seated in a supposed sanctuary waiting for a scripted message that will unease the pain. Amazingly, the same could be said for weddings.

When I die, I want someone to throw a party. No seating, unless it involves couches or patio furniture. If music is to be played, make it a joyful mix of happy songs. Nothing sadder than Amazing Grace, and that should be an upbeat version to convey the happiness of those lyrics.

Bring your kids and let them run. No shushing and don’t make them sit. Let them cry, let them laugh, let them play, and don’t apologize to anyone for them.

There shall be no mention of doves, eagles, or other honorable birds. If any bird shall be spoken of, it should be the mythical shoe-wearing bird idolized by those in the smelly state to our west. And spoken of profanely.

Mingle, laugh, smile, listen, and hug. Someone tell a joke. Share some stories if you will. Make fun of me. Make fun of one another. Laugh. Talk to my kids like you were talking to me, except tell them how cool they are.

A moment of silence is appropriate. If someone feels the need to speak, they better at least be funny. Don’t quote a poem, a song, or someone else. Say whatever you will, but make it honest, heartfelt, and original.