Funeral Songs are Awful
I don’t understand why we continue the tradition of funerals as they have come to be held. Sad songs, sappy lyrics, sentimental pictures and tacky programs force fed to a flock of silent onlookers uncomfortably seated in a supposed sanctuary waiting for a scripted message that will unease the pain. Amazingly, the same could be said for weddings.
When I die, I want someone to throw a party. No seating, unless it involves couches or patio furniture. If music is to be played, make it a joyful mix of happy songs. Nothing sadder than Amazing Grace, and that should be an upbeat version to convey the happiness of those lyrics.
Bring your kids and let them run. No shushing and don’t make them sit. Let them cry, let them laugh, let them play, and don’t apologize to anyone for them.
There shall be no mention of doves, eagles, or other honorable birds. If any bird shall be spoken of, it should be the mythical shoe-wearing bird idolized by those in the smelly state to our west. And spoken of profanely.
Mingle, laugh, smile, listen, and hug. Someone tell a joke. Share some stories if you will. Make fun of me. Make fun of one another. Laugh. Talk to my kids like you were talking to me, except tell them how cool they are.
A moment of silence is appropriate. If someone feels the need to speak, they better at least be funny. Don’t quote a poem, a song, or someone else. Say whatever you will, but make it honest, heartfelt, and original.