Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Happy Halloween Tiger Fans,

In early celebration of the Holiday, a bunch of Ronald McDonald uniform-wearing jokers are going to be at Faurot Field on Saturday dressed up like a football team. Like a football team with miserable uniforms and a confused mascot, but still.

ISU is 1-7 on the year and we’re favored by 28.5 points. We owe them for a mystery defeat up there last season, so bring on the Candy-Corn Colored Tornado Birds (beyond Ronald McDonalders or CCCTBs, other acceptable nicknames are Corncardnados, Cyclowns, and Blow Homes).

Kickoff is at 1:00 p.m., we’ll be tailgating by 10:00 or so. It’s the second Miller’s tailgate of the year, with food provided by Hoss’s Market to be served at 11:00 a.m. The athletic department is once again encouraging all fans to wear gold. I’m once again pointing out the players should wear gold pants then. They are also claiming to be giving away 45,000 ‘rally towels’, but praise be that we had the good sense to avoid a promotional ad like this (forwarded previously). The 45,000 number seems a little shaky to me also, as Jack was given a towel by the Sports Information office earlier in the year. 44,999, at the most, I say, unless there was some fluff in that towel order.

It’s the next-to-last home game of the year and your last chance to see the Tigers before they crack the Top 10. They’re having a Larry Smith era reunion, too, so come on out to the party.

That’s the end of my random facts e-mail for the week. GO A&M, screw ku.

Great article in this week’s Sports Illustrated on the Tigers.  They chose “Newfound Swagger” as the title, I’d have gone with Kinder, Gentler Hard Ass.

Austin Murphy: Missouri has a newfound swagger

Happy Raincoming Tiger Fans.  The best time of the year during the best time of the year is here, beautiful fall to coincide with a beautiful football Saturday.  You can tell it’s Homecoming week by the smell of pomp and rainy circumstances around ole Collegetown.

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers take on the Red Raiders from Texas Tech University in a battle of ranked teams (Tigers #15/17, Tech #22/21).  It seems that they’ve taken to calling themselves the “Air Raid” for their prolific offense.  I’d have suggested “Get Beat By Good Teams” for their habit of said offense getting beat by teams that are any good.   I’ve previously documented Tech’s student population, which is entirely made up of people too dumb & poor to get into UT and too stupid to get into A&M.  And those that have flunked out of both.  Like any good peon population, however, they’ve arisen to take over and have assumed football dominance in the Lone Star State.  Sneaky Pirates.  Sneaky broken-armed while bicycling pirates.

Tailgate will begin at 11:30 or so.  My parents are bringing up ribs from Southeast MO, so wear a don’t mind getting sloppy shirt.  Might also pick up some CJ’s at parade time, we’ll see.   On the costuming theme, the athletic department is again asking for fans to be decked out in gold.  No word on whether the players will again reciprocate with gold pants instead of the Ninja Tiger look.  I’ll also be sporting my new porncracker hat (idea courtesy of Joe Walljasper) as both the Tigers and I take another step into the national limelight.

Big crowd is expected again this weekend, ABC is broadcasting the game.  Tech appears to be a very good team, pirating jokes aside.  Go Tigers, Go buffalos, screw ku, and “ha ha” to the Corn.

41-6. Wow. Take that Huskers. 2003, 41-24, but the game was really much closer than that. 2005, 41-24, but the game wasn’t really that close. 2007, 41-6, and I don’t think it was even that close. Like a punch to the gut to all in the land of corn.

We saw a cattle-hauler on the road near the stadium post-game, someone made the (obvious but still funny) joke that it was full of Nebraska cheerleaders. Turns out, that was almost true. Sarah saw them loading that stupid thing full of Nebraska fans, sort of like a bus. Sort of, except it was a trailer for hauling cattle and they were stuffing it full of Nebraska fans.

Sarah did indeed get a helicopter ride pre-game. I absolutely believed that the lighting combination (bright lights, nighttime) would make for next to worthless photos. Turns out I was wrong and they were awesome. Check them out here.

Speaking of the photos, people are funny. “Could I use those for free?” “Would you please send me a full-size file so I can use as a screensaver?” Um, no. Like walking into the car dealer and pointing out that you like the new Mercedes, maybe I could just drive it for a few months? I will make an exception for anyone that can get me on a plane to Norman, OK, on Saturday though.

beat Oklahoma, screw ku.

In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a little football game this weekend. Some team from some town north is making a little trip down the road to face our beloved Tigers. Some little network based in Vermont or Connecticut or somewhere is coming in for the broadcast. Hopefully Coach Pinkel and the boys can finally win some games so we can get a ranked team to come play, or a decent network to cover the game, or a fullback, or something.

To quote our old receptionist, “I’m sorry I’m drunk and I can’t come to work.” Oh wait, that’s not the quote I was looking for. “I woke up naked and got free cable.” No, not it either. “I kid, I kid”… That’s the one. Bless her heart.

The 17th ranked Tigers take on the #25 Huskers from Nebraska this Saturday at 8:15 p.m. on ESPN. It’s the annual gold-out game, so wear gold. It’ll be a packed house, so plan on going in early too, so as not to be standing in line as we return the opening kickoff back for a touchdown. We’ll be tailgating by 3:00, join us when you will. Bryan Ninichuck of Wingate Pest Control is taking care of the food this weekend. Buckingham’s will be delivered at 5:30. If you’d like us to haul things to the tailgate, probably better have it to our house by mid-Saturday morning. And call Wingate for all your pest control needs.

Sarah and the athletic department are trying to find a plane/helicopter/parasail/Wonkavator so she can take aerial photos of the game. If you happen to see a plane circling at opening kickoff, smile and wave. Same goes if someone is on a really really big ladder somewhere.

Somewhere along the way the boys from Nowledge changed their nickname from Cornhuskers to Huskers. I can’t say for sure, but I assume it has something to do with Columbia’s reputation regarding stray monkeys on the loose and those monkeys’ propensity to bite those who have corn (get well soon Liam, no kidding). Look out cornhuskers, stray monkeys Unleashed.

Also big news in Columbia is Sir Elton John’s performance at Mizzou Arena on Friday night. All week I’ve had visions, strange scary visions, of bedazzled Elton fans and be-jeaned, white-jeaned, N fans running into each other all over town, finding secret attraction in each other, and then combining to show up on Saturday in fabulously spectacular sequin covered jeans and reds, rhinestone covered corncob heads, and sparkly sunglasses. I sort of hope this comes true.

To recap, Wear Gold, Lot D, Buckingham’s, Wingate, Go in Early, BEAT NEBRASKA, Smile and Point and Laugh at the sequin-covered white jean crew, and (implied) screw ku.