How Are You?
How many times a day in normal circumstances are you asked that question? 20? 50? I know I use it as a typical greeting all the time. I wonder how long it will be until it’s a typical greeting to me again? It borders on making me angry that I know people actually mean it when they ask now.
The honest answer, which I’ve finally started telling people, is “I don’t know.” Sometimes I’m fine, which then makes me mad for being fine. Sometimes I’m not, which then makes me mad for feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I’m fine until it’s clear the person asking is feeling sorry for me, at which point I get mad at them. And none of those mads are really mads, just another set of thoughts that happen.
The other part of the answer is it doesn’t really matter, however I am now is only going to last for a few minutes. I’ll then either find something to distract me or will become distracted by my thoughts. Yeah, yeah, I know it matters, my point is it just doesn’t last long, no matter the current situation.
I know I’m not fine at work. I’m here, doing stuff, but not enough. I’m having an extremely difficult time figuring out how to focus on the more mundane parts of my job. I will because I need to and they need me to, but I’m thankful that everyone here is looking out for me and asking “How Are You?” too.
People keep encouraging me to keep blogging my thoughts. I’m remembering that I named this stupid thing “Untimely Thoughts” after attending a funeral and wondering if I should rename it now.
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