Jason's Untimely Thoughts

I’ve become accustomed to having many quality pictures of most events of note.  That has changed, of course, and I haven’t figured out how to make it happen again.  Our point & shoot camera isn’t the best in the world, I don’t really know how to use Sarah’s good cameras, I’m not much of a photographer anyway, and then I imagine myself participating in the activities, not photographing them.

Means that I’m after other options to document what’s going on.  So, just got the smallest video camera in the mail today (amazon.com customer service rocks, by the way.  UPS customer service, not so much).  I’m hoping it’s small enough and easy enough that I can grab quick videos along the way as things happen.  So, look for jumpy videos with way too much movement behind the camera online soon.

I’m at work toiling away when our receptionist calls… “Vicki Pinkel is here to see you.”  (her husband is MU’s football coach, for the unknowing).

“Excuse me?” I say.

“Vicki Pinkel is here to see you,” again.  So I go downstairs.

They had sold some pictures of Sarah’s at an event she organizes, the Women’s Football Clinic, earlier this fall, and she was dropping off a check from the sale of those photos to donate to the kids fund.  Also then had one of the photos framed and signed by the coaches and seniors, which she gave to us.  She also made sure to tell me how much they all appreciated Sarah.

A nice suprise for a Friday afternoon and another nice gesture from people that worked with Sarah and people that she enjoyed.

Tomorrow the kids will be going to Malden for a few days.  They’ll come back this way Tuesday night.  I have a few work obligations, they have no school next week, etc.,  We’ll then be back in town for a few days, then back to Malden for more Christmas.

After considerable debate, I’ve also decided to go to San Antonio for the Alamo Bowl — Mizzou against Northwestern.  Will be the first time on record that I’ve made every game in a season, but mostly going because we liked San Antonio so much.  Of course that also makes it hard to go.  A couple of friends will pass through briefly for the game, so that will be good too.  It’s also a chance to hopefully move forward on a detail of Sarah’s memorial stone (the bronze).  I’d be glad to include a little San Antonio there if it works.

Lots of questions, naturally, about how we’re doing and how the holidays are going.  In general, things are going as well as they can, better than could have reasonably expected I think.  I have no delusions and realize parts of Christmas will be very hard, but in general busy makes things better.  And if there’s never been a doubt that Christmas was busy for us.

I’m still mostly living in denial of the changes, going from task to task to next on the schedule, but things are easier in some respects, which is unnatural to admit.

Back to the donations.  From what I can find, approximately $38,000 has been donated in total to the kids education fund, the Pallative Care account at Ellis Fischel, and POYi (including proceeds from the Hold That Hug event).  All of that is an amazing tribute and is greatly appreciated.  Any donated to the kids fund is being managed by our financial advisor, just for the record.  And without going into any more details here, there is another event or two in the planning stages that would further impact other lives while honoring Sarah.

Merry Christmas (and Happy Hanukkah) and Happy New Year to you and yours.  Hug your friends and family.  Go Tigers.

and on a side note, screw ku.

Here is the text that appears on our Christmas Card, the card itself is at the end of this post.

Happy Holidays to one and all from the Beckings.  Adelaide is now 6 and is enjoying kindergarten greatly.  She loves her teachers, has made new friends, and is learning amazing amounts.  Dance, swimming, singing, and friends are her biggest joys.

Jack Thayer turned 3 in June and is attending preschool 3 days a week (“3, like me” he’d say).  He remains home with Megan, our sitter, the other 2 days.  She has been an enormous blessing and help for all of us.  Jack likes pop tarts, chocolate milk, movies, trucks and dinosaurs.

Otherwise, as I’m sure everyone understands, it’s been a pretty bad 2008.  The first six months of the year were great, with travel and fun throughout.  The kids are doing great the past six months as well, with lots of swimming and playing and grandparenting and grandfriending helping immensely.

The circle of friends and family has never been larger nor more appreciated.  Sincerely, on behalf of Adelaide, Jack, Sarah, and Jason, thank you for all the love and for all you continue to do on our behalf.

Should say, that’s sort of the text that appears on the Christmas Card.  Due to some software issues, a bit of that was deleted.  I would have had them reprinted, but those poor folks are literally working 18 hours a day right now, so reprinting my few Christmas Cards didn’t seem worth it.

The design is a Jason Becking original.  Order yours today.  My main goal was to get all those photos on there, since I didn’t have a truly great one to use for the card and then figure next year I won’t have near the quantity of photos.  That meant less room for writing, which was good for me too.  Final touch was to throw enough color on there to distract you from the little writing that did happen.

The cards will be going in the mail soon, unless I forget to buy stamps or something.  Look for yours soon, with consideration of the fact I might not have your address nor have enough cards.

Front

Inside Left

Inside Right

Back

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Love to you and yours.

Turns out I’m not very good at designing Christmas Cards.  Our recent system was for Sarah to come up with the design, do way too much work on that, I’d crank out some slightly humorous yearly recap, then combine the two and have them printed at work.  I generally know what I want the design to be, or at least what I think I want it to be, but am evidently inept at pulling that off.  And then I have no hope of writing much this year, so look for your Christmas Card from us sometime next Spring.

In other goings ons, I’d mentioned previously I was relatively close to having the design of Sarah’s memorial stone done.  What I have in mind is below.

SEMB Memorial Stone (planned)

The vases and medallions (which are a Sun and a Gerber Daisy) are gold to represent them being bronze.  Turns out that bronze is nice and pricey, though, so reevaluating a little.  Will still try to keep the bronze medallions, but the top vase may go back to granite.  If anyone has a bronze source, I’d be happy to know about it.

As for stuff in my mind, I’m amazed and perturbed at my inability to have consistent thoughts and actions on personal stuff.  I’m lonely, naturally, but find myself only wanting to be alone too.  But not necessarily at the house, being alone at the house is weird and I want out.  Except sometimes, I’d really like to just hang out at the house.  And so on.  When I’m with people I want to be alone, when I’m alone I want to be with people, when I’m with the kids I am wishing for a night off, when I’m not with the kids I’m anxious to return to them.  The same inadequacies and inaccuracies apply to most every thought that goes through my head on truly personal stuff.  I pretty much would like to lay on the couch under a blanket and watch movies and sports in the dark and then sleep all day (just like college!).

Finally, you know the emails and stories you get, cards that come in, whatever, talking about the power of prayer and how “it really did work!”  Well, I have a hard time with that right now.  Did it work?  If it did, does that mean the people that said they were praying for Sarah weren’t?  And so on again.  I’m glad the various people are doing great, really and truly.  Not in any way trying to belittle that or discourage people from including me in the updates.  But I also cringe a little each time I read one of those.  Similar to my dreams post from a while ago, it just doesn’t seem like there’s a good answer to that question, but the question seems unavoidable.

People have told me they like reading this space because it seems real and honest.  Hope those last two paragraphs weren’t too real and honest for the general reading pleasure.

Beat OU, the land-thieving bastards.  And on a side note, screw ku.

The December 2008 edition of Inside Columbia Magazine has a page of coverage on the Hold That Hug event.  I had no idea it was happening until two relatively random people yesterday mentioned they’d seen us in there.  It’s a nice spread and write-up, which we appreciate.

Hug For the Camera -- Hundreds Gather to Celebrate The Life of Sarah Becking

On the donation side of Hold That Hug, we’ve received 19 additional orders since my last update.  $175 was donated directly to POYi and I’ll be sending over a check for $590.50 later this week.  Current totals, then, are 95 orders received and $3,777.27 raised.

Photos from the event are still available for viewing/ordering here.