Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Turns out I’m not very good at designing Christmas Cards.  Our recent system was for Sarah to come up with the design, do way too much work on that, I’d crank out some slightly humorous yearly recap, then combine the two and have them printed at work.  I generally know what I want the design to be, or at least what I think I want it to be, but am evidently inept at pulling that off.  And then I have no hope of writing much this year, so look for your Christmas Card from us sometime next Spring.

In other goings ons, I’d mentioned previously I was relatively close to having the design of Sarah’s memorial stone done.  What I have in mind is below.

SEMB Memorial Stone (planned)

The vases and medallions (which are a Sun and a Gerber Daisy) are gold to represent them being bronze.  Turns out that bronze is nice and pricey, though, so reevaluating a little.  Will still try to keep the bronze medallions, but the top vase may go back to granite.  If anyone has a bronze source, I’d be happy to know about it.

As for stuff in my mind, I’m amazed and perturbed at my inability to have consistent thoughts and actions on personal stuff.  I’m lonely, naturally, but find myself only wanting to be alone too.  But not necessarily at the house, being alone at the house is weird and I want out.  Except sometimes, I’d really like to just hang out at the house.  And so on.  When I’m with people I want to be alone, when I’m alone I want to be with people, when I’m with the kids I am wishing for a night off, when I’m not with the kids I’m anxious to return to them.  The same inadequacies and inaccuracies apply to most every thought that goes through my head on truly personal stuff.  I pretty much would like to lay on the couch under a blanket and watch movies and sports in the dark and then sleep all day (just like college!).

Finally, you know the emails and stories you get, cards that come in, whatever, talking about the power of prayer and how “it really did work!”  Well, I have a hard time with that right now.  Did it work?  If it did, does that mean the people that said they were praying for Sarah weren’t?  And so on again.  I’m glad the various people are doing great, really and truly.  Not in any way trying to belittle that or discourage people from including me in the updates.  But I also cringe a little each time I read one of those.  Similar to my dreams post from a while ago, it just doesn’t seem like there’s a good answer to that question, but the question seems unavoidable.

People have told me they like reading this space because it seems real and honest.  Hope those last two paragraphs weren’t too real and honest for the general reading pleasure.

Beat OU, the land-thieving bastards.  And on a side note, screw ku.