Jason's Untimely Thoughts

One of the sites I’ve used (and that Mpix.com partners with) for Sarah’s photos just rolled out a new feature… testing here.

Mizzou Photos

Best of 2007 MU Football pictures

A year ago today we were in New Orleans, preparing for they days ahead.  Surgery was June 26, so we would have been doing MRIs and whatnot today.  It’s impossible to summarize the past year in any way that’s concise, witty, or insightful.   All I can say is the dramatic understatement that things were substantially better before, but have continued to improve since.  I guess it’s progress that I’m mostly not even all that angry about it anymore.

The entire situation would be a wreck without the wonderful assistance of our next door neighbors, all of them.  The addition of Megan to the mix has also saved me.  Public thanks to all of them, to the grandparents and aunts and uncles, and to the parents of Adelaide’s friends who have been so helpful this year.  Seriously, I’m not sure I could have made it this far without the help.

Work is going fine (the recession is over, spread the word).  Home life is steady, if not superior.  Adelaide made it through kindergarten with flying colors and with some new great friends.  Grant School is simply wonderful — the faculty, staff, students, and parents.  It is unquestionable that adding Stella and Anna to Adelaide’s circle (and the additional support of their families) helped her tremendously.  Long term that will be at least three good friends that will be visitable by bike ride.

Jack looks and acts about a year older than he is, mostly because that’s who he hangs around with at pre-school.  He’s there again this summer for 2 days/week, then will be there full-time in the fall, although he will be in a different class for the first time (he’ll be a Bear, not a Star, which seems appropriate).

Both kids are swimmers now, although JT is still limited to the shallow portion.  His swim routine is mostly grab pool toy, throw pool toy, swim to bottom to retrieve pool toy, repeat.  Adelaide had her hair re-pinked (thanks Tia), but combination of chlorine and sunshine de-pinked in less than a week.

Personally, I’m making progress.  For example, I can go out for a night of fun with friends without spending the next day/week feeling nothing but guilty.  Maybe by this time next year I’ll also be able to do that without spending the next day hungover too.   It’s still jacked up and I definitely have moments of massive frustration, but I’m either better able to cope, better able to recover, or better able to avoid.  I’m still not able to have many real conversations with many people, but generally that’s due to lack of time and opportunity.  Someone told me that I wouldn’t likely feel normal for at least a year.  They definitely got the “at least” part right… no idea when it will happen, or perhaps when I’ll come to the realization that the way I feel now is the new normal.

Every day in our house is a race to bedtime.  I don’t believe that’s substantially different than any other house with working parents and young children, but I sure didn’t notice it as much a year ago.  All of us being tired leads to all of us being grouchy which means we’re all better off if the kids go to bed.  A difference is probably my then continued avoidance of bedtime.  The quiet is nice.  The chance to finish whatever is nice.  But mostly the idea of going to the bedroom before being way past ready to go to sleep is still extremely unappealing.

I also have random fantasies about simply escaping.  There was a reason Tom Hanks’ character was Sleepless in Seattle, not Sleepless in Wherever they’d lived originally.  A different location with a new start can certainly seem appealing.  As can weekends spent elsewhere.  On that topic, our recent trip to Colorado was good for all involved.  Thanks again to Chris and all for the work and excellent results there.

Back to one year ago, July 7 will always be a memorable day, but it is not an anniversary in our house (I came to this realization after the Colorado trip).  I’ve long planned to give some money in Sarah’s name to a few charities, so July 7 will be a good time to complete that goal (another step toward recession being over, spread the word).  Otherwise, there will be no ceremony or special remembrances for us.  We continue to miss and talk about Sarah every day.  We will continue to miss her, to love her, and to talk about her, while hopefully continuing to make small steps of progress going forward from here too.

Thanks to all of you for the continued love and support along the way.  Go hug your friends and family.  and on a side note, screw ku.

Kudos to Chris Maupin and all who helped.  Everything Changes raised over $14,000 for the Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers Foundation (a few items are outstanding, so final totals not quite ready).  Any interested can still make donations here.  Downloads from the event (music + pictures) will be available for a donation at a later date.

Some youtube videos of varying quality are available as follows:

• Lance Jungmeyer singing Everything Changes
• Confunkcius performinging Everything Changes
• Sonic Junkies singing Everything Changes (my video)
• Sonic Junkies singing Everything Changes (‘official’ video)
• Hazel Miller & Colonel Redbone singing Everything Changes/I’ll Take You There

It’s been almost a month since I’ve written anything here, so perhaps a bit redundant to say I don’t have much to say.  However, repetition is about all I’ve got going.  No new insights or awakenings.  The daily routine is the routine.

Jack turned 4 on June 9, with a bit of fanfare.  We had a very nice party for him at the hotel pool in Denver.  Much thanks to all that made that event.  Then followed up with an equally nice dinner in Glenwood Springs with family and almost family, where he and another boy put on a display of how 4-year old boys play (not to be confused with the video of 4-year old boys playing in Denver).

We returned home from Colorado to monsoon and home breakdown season.  Four trips to the hardware store have mostly made the garage door functional again.  A $220 pending repair resulted in a new dishwasher purchase.  The lake in our basement and the lack of sink in my bathroom remain stuck in the middle of the projects lists.  Oh well, maybe by the time I buy our next dishwasher.

This is the first ‘real’ week of summer vacation for us.  By us, I mean the kids I guess.  Although going to work at roughly 8:00 every day without worrying about who’s dressed or brush teeth besides myself seems a bit like a vacation.  10:30 bedtime last night will not become the norm, I hope.  A few day camps and such scattered in, but mostly just the kids at the house is the plan (and Jack in preschool some).

Jack had an impromptu fishing trip on Friday… pic of him + fish coming soon.  He’s also becoming more of a swimmer with each trip to the pool.  Expect full on swimming by end of the summer, I’d think.  Adelaide is on the verge of losing tooth #2 and is now a master bike rider.