Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Happy New Year, Tiger fans!

On Saturday, the beloved boys in black and gold (and hopefully GOLDPANTS #GOLDPANTS!!!) begin the 2018 campaign against the SkyHawks from UT-Martin.  Kickoff is scheduled for 3 p.m. Saturday, the Tigers are scheduled to go 15-0 this year.  Get on the bandwagon early and watch the steel rise in the south end zone all season long.

The tailgate will be in the same spot as the last many years, so see you in Lot D.  I expect some interloper chaos this year because of changes to some other lots, so is possible that we’ll be shuffled around to a different spot within the lot.  Not likely, but possible.  As always, look for an old silver F150 and our flags flying if in doubt on where we are.

Jim Yankee is bringing pulled chicken and taco fixings for SkyHawk tacos.  I know a few sides and some watermelon are on the way as well.  As always, sides and desserts are good bringing options.  Call Flat Branch for all your mortgage needs.  Buy mattresses and adjustable bases from Mattress By Appointment for all your bedroom needs.  Well, some of your bedroom needs.

As for the football game, I know 4 things about UT-Martin.  They’re from Tennessee. They’re probably from Martin, Tennessee.  Their nickname is the SkyHawks.  They should’ve gone with the UT-Martin Martins.  Not only is the Martin the largest North American swallow, which really, let’s just there.  It’s hard to top being the largest North American swallow.

I also know SkyHawk is a stupid nickname.  There’s a reason we’re not the Missouri Land Tigers.  Hawks fly in the sky, Tigers are on land, we get it.  The only hawk that’s dumber is one that wears shoes and posts a picture of itself in a trash can.  On that direct note, screw ku.

Go Tigers, 15-0.  FOOTBALLLLALALLALALL!!!!

Happy Sports Weekend Tiger fans,

Tomorrow the basketball Tigers get their season started with a game against Iowa State at 8 pm. Former Big 12 rivals playing one another during the regular season, that’s so weird. (I just found out I have 3 extra tickets to the game, upper level, let me know if you want to buy them.) Prior to the game, Mizzou is unveiling a statue of Norm outside the arena, so check that out on your way in. And get there early, traffic will be brutal.

On Saturday, the main event features the beloved football Tigers hosting the Tennessee Volunteers. Win 4 of the scheduled 7-game winning streak will look remarkably similar to last week. The primary differences will be a night-time game and the UT fans dressed in honor of deer season. And their whining post-game on the internet about how they’re better than Mizzou despite losing (aka Voluntears, aka Rocky Bottom).

Kickoff is at 6:30 pm, so we’ll be tailgating long before that. The Messers are bringing pulled pork, I’m bringing some whiskey, you should bring things that accompany those. And a friend.

Tomorrow is the last home game for these 19 Tigers, so go in early and cheer for them. (Then go to Vanderbilt, Arkansas, and the bowl game to continue cheering them on. And bring me to those things.)

2017 Mizzou Seniors

• Alec Abeln (OL); Career: 25 games, 9 career starts at three positions (C, G, FB)
• Eric Beisel (LB) – 2017 Captain; Career: 46 games, 5 starts – 91 tackles, 6.5 TFLs
• Joey Burkett (LB); Career: 46 games, 6 starts – 64 tackles, 1.0 TFL, 3 PBU, 1 int. return TD
• Logan Cheadle (DB); Career: 42 games, 6 starts – 51 tackles, 2.0 sacks, 11 PBU, 2 INTs
• Dominic Collins (WR); Career: 11 games, 1 start – 7 receptions, 104 yards, 1 TD
• Marcell Frazier (DL); Career: 33 games, 17 starts – 74 tackles, 21.0 TFLs, 13.0 sacks, 11 QBH, 3 FF
• Jordan Harold (DL) – 2017 Captain; Career: 21 games, 11 starts – 35 tackles, 5.5 TFLs, 2.5 sacks, 2 QBH
• Anthony Hines (DB); Career: 31 games – 9 tackles
• Tyler Howell (OL); Career: 21 games, 15 starts
• A.J. Logan (DL); Career: 30 games, 14 starts – 39 tackles, 6.0 TFLs, 2 QBH, 1 FF
• J’Mon Moore (WR); Career: 46 games, 28 starts – 137 receptions, 2,135 yards, 19 TDs, 1 rush TD; 2017: 9 games, 6 starts – 44 receptions, 740 yards, 8 TDs
• Adam Ploudre (OL); Career: 19 games, 8 starts
• Jason Reese (TE); Career: 46 games, 7 starts – 29 receptions, 369 yards, 5 TDs
• Cameren Rivers (WR); Career: 2 games
• Adam Roland (OL); Career: 1 game – Out in 2017 with leg injury
• Anthony Sherrils (DB); Career: 45 games, 26 starts – 169 tackles, 7.5 TFLs, 0.5 sacks, 3 INTs, 10 PBU, 2 FR
• Thomas Wilson (DB); Career: 43 games, 12 starts – 122 tackles, 3.0 TFLs, 1 INT, 6 PBU, 2 FF
• Ish Witter (RB); Career: 45 games, 14 starts – 407 rushes, 1,873 yards, 11 TDs, 32 receptions, 271 yards, 1 TD; 2017: 9 games, 4 starts – 92 rushes, 504 yards, 3 TDs, 10 receptions, 78 yards, 1 TD

Go Tigers, that other team can’t be proud running around in orange pants.  And on a side note, screw ku.

Happy Friday, Tiger fans!

Tomorrow the Tigers host the Gators from Florida for win number three of a scheduled seven-game winning streak. Kickoff is scheduled for 11:00 am, which I hate.

Similar to most other early start time games, minimal food is planned or expected. Jack has a basketball game in Jeff City tomorrow morning, so family will likely be split between events. I’ll be at the tailgate waiting for you, though, so don’t let me down.

Florida comes to town with a newly anointed interim head coach. Their last coach was let go after potentially exaggerating the number of death threats made against him for not winning enough games. He was also let go for not winning enough games. This will likely be the first of three games Mizzou plays down the stretch against interim-lead teams. #SEC #SEC #SEC.

Florida is also starting a new quarterback. I don’t think the old one fabricated death threats, but I can’t be sure. Anywho, tomorrow shall be a repeat of the past two weeks, where Mizzou scores like crazy and the defense steps up, resulting in the Tiger faithful doing the Gator #chomp.

Speaking of death threats, the mythical shoe-wearing birds are 7.5 point underdogs to Baylor this week. Baylor is 0-8 on the year. The shoebirds are wearing special uniforms specifically designed to honor “Jennison’s Jay-Hawkers” who operated as thieves, plunderers, and murderers during the Civil War days. This article is a good brief read on Jennison in particular and the tactics of the group. Some tidbits:

• His commander criticized Jennison for “cross[ing] the line, [to] rob, steal, plunder, and burn whatever they can lay their hands upon.”
• His unit was moved to New Mexico to prevent their continued onslaught against Missouri cities. So he resigned his army commission, accused the Lincoln government of supporting slavery and was arrested for encouraging his men to desert.
• After returning and being re-commisioned into the kansas militia, in 1865 he “was again arrested for renewed jayhawking there. He was court-martialed, found guilty” and was dishonorably discharged.

(and yes, I know Missourians and many others did bad things during this era also. If Mizzou’s mascot was Bushwhackers or Slaveholders or some such you’d have a point. But it’s not, so you don’t.)

Arrested for renewed jayhawking is a criminal charge I can support. on a side note, screw ku.

Happy Homecoming, Tiger fans. On Saturday, the beloved boys in black & gold host the Vandals from Idaho. Kickoff is scheduled for 11:00 a.m., which sucks.

Due to early start time, which always means a smaller tailgate crowd, and the parade and such pre-game, tailgating will be missing a food theme this week. I’ll be there, if you want to bring something to eat I’ll happily eat it, but not expecting much of a rush of people until right before the game.

As for football, I’m appreciative of the Vandals coming to town for a homecoming beat down. Thank you, Vandals, thank you. Successive victories over Vandals, Huskies, Gators, Volunteers, Commodores, and pigs will have us all feeling much better about ourselves.

Speaking of feeling better about ourselves, screw ku.

Happy Friday, Tiger fans. Our beloved football team hosts Auburn on Saturday. Kickoff is scheduled for 6:30 pm. We have volleyball Saturday morning, so will be there early to setup and then back around 2:00. Mike & Sarah Messer are taking care of food this weekend. Call Mike & Sarah for all your insurance and home loan needs.

Lee’s Chicken will be showing up around 4:00, with fried chicken (war eagle), mashed potatoes, green beans, and biscuits. If bringing stuff, bring things that complement any of that. Like a friend, they’ll probably say nice things about the food. And victory, bring plans for a victory.

On to the game, last week I correctly guaranteed the black and gold would win. Sadly, I didn’t account for the opponent’s color scheme. I’ve learned from my mistakes, though, so am going with the Tigers for your stone cold lock of the week this time. Go Tigers.

On Auburn, seriously, orange and blue as colors for Tigers? Come on. And you have a Tiger as a nickname but use an eagle for some made up reason? And scream “WAR EAGLE” at me as I’m getting off the hotel elevator in Atlanta for the SEC championship game? All of you. Every Auburn fan screamed at me as I was getting off the elevator. All in my face with their “WAR EAGLE!!@@!!@@!!@”

Auburn is silly. Boo eagle, I say, boo eagle. Go Tigers, beat the silly Tigers. On a side note, screw ku.

Happy Friday, Tiger Fans. Our beloved football team hosts the Boilermakers from Purdue University tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. Tailgate will start early, so you should too. Mattress By Appointment generously purchased food from Dickey’s BBQ. Meats, sides, sauces, and such should arrive around noon. You should too.

In a weird schedule quirk, the football team actually opened with 2 scrimmages, so this will be our first official game. I personally guarantee the black and gold will be victorious this time. Since hosting the Boilermakers, a good tailgate host would have beer and whiskey around to make boilermakers. Unfortunately, I have friends from college in town this weekend, so I drank all of the whiskey Wednesday night. All of it. In Columbia. There’s no more whiskey. It made for super productive Thursday though.

So, come tailgate. Eat food. See old friends and old family. Watch the Tigers win. Then tell your friends to go buy a mattress. Mattress By Appointment – not really a boldly named prostitution store. Mattress By Appointment – yes, you really need to make an appointment because I’m likely at a kid’s sporting event. Mattress By Appointment – get your Dickey’s BBQ off my mattress! Mattress by Appointment – hey, buy a mattress!

Speaking of mattresses, screw ku.

With that kind of headline, this thing is going to write itself.

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers host the South Carolina Gamecocks in the first real game of the season. Kick off is scheduled for 6:00 p.m. We’ll have wings from CJ’s and D Rowe’s on hand, and on our hands.  As normal, sides and desserts are good bringing options, if looking to bring something. Saturday is also Lydia’s birthday, so birthday cake or similar will be making an appearance as well.

Adelaide has a volleyball tournament in Jeff City, so not sure what time food will be there. Shooting for 2:00 p.m., but we conveniently know nothing about the volleyball schedule yet. Someone will be there by 2, I’m sure. You should be too.

As predicted, the Tigers treated last week’s game against the former directional school as a scrimmage. Tried lots of different things on defense especially, including letting SMS score a bunch. This week the plan is to not let SCar score at all, while our offense still goes crazy. It will be fun and good times and winning, prepare accordingly.

See you Saturday, come on out and have some (Game)Cock wings and Lydia’s birthday cake! 15-0 is still on the horizon. Speaking of the horizon, screw ku.

Happy New Year Tiger Fans!

Football season starts soon. Coach Odom had the media on lock down this summer, so Mizzou has scheduled a public scrimmage Saturday morning to get ready for the season. Missouri’s flagship university will host the Fourth District Normal School* football team.  Kick off is scheduled for 11:00 a.m.

Being a practice game, morning kickoff, Labor Day weekend, and the first of four straight home games to start the season, I don’t expect tailgating to be very crowded. I’ll be there early of course, Lot D and all. We’ll have various to be determined breakfast items. Bring some, and bring yourself as well.

Excitement for the game is so high I heard the following comments last night (true). Person 1: “Who are we playing, I don’t even know who we’re playing.” Person 2: “Who is that, I’ve never even heard of that school. Where is it?” We were at a soccer game, so probably explains some lack of general sports knowledge, but still. SMS, seems like maybe the rebranding efforts still need to be stepped up. Maybe you can just change your name to Missouri next time.

I attended 20 minutes of one practice this fall where I was most impressed on one of our defensive coach’s cursing ability. He was easily a Top 10 curser. Based on that extensive research, I feel confident in predicting WINS, occasional GOLD PANTS!!!!, a return to the SEC Championship game, and overall roughly a 15-0 record. Go Tigers!

Finally, some relatively important changes for the season that will impact you if you go to Tiger Walk or carry a purse. Tiger Walk has been moved, it will now be on the other side of the stadium, starting in front of Mizzou Arena (ish) and going down by the east stands to the south end zone. On purses/bags/etc, Mizzou has joined lots of other places in requiring clear bags only. They say small clutches are permitted, but that seems like a personal issue to me.

*Yes, Fourth District Normal School is what the school was founded as. On a side note, screw ku.

Happy Thanksgiving, Tiger fans.  Mizzou football, it’s still happening.

On Friday, the Tigers host Arkansas at 1:30 p.m.  We’ll have tamales and pork loin at the tailgate, hopefully we’ll have some people show up to eat and watch the Tigers beat the Razorbacks.  You know the drill, I’ll be there early, you come when you will. Side dishes or desserts are good bringing options.

The season hasn’t not sucked, but a win Friday will make it feel better.  Go in early and cheer on these 16 guys in their last appearance as players at Faurot.

Football!  Mattresses!  Football!  Football!  Our beloved Tigers take on the Vanderbilt Commodores this Saturday at 2:30.  Tailgate will start well before that, of course.  We’ll have wings from CJ’s and D Rowe’s as the main fare, provided by Mattress by Appointment and Flat Branch Home Loans.  Call them for all your home loan and mattress needs.  Seriously, baby needs a new pair of mattresses.  And a home loan.

I’ve decided the SEC love fest is over.  We’ve been too nice, hardly any animosity anywhere, general good-spiritedness has ruled the day.  No more.  Down with Vanderbilt and your Commodores.  That was a fine name for an early Apple computer, but is a terrible name for a…. ah, who am I kidding.  I don’t hate Vanderbilt.  Nashville is great.  Vanderbilt is mostly wonderful, except for their stupid basketball arena layout.  Oh well, we shall beat them anyway.

Go Tigers, beat the lovable Commodores.  And on a side note, screw ku.