Jason's Untimely Thoughts

was the KU post below too Krameresque? probably so.

screw ku.

First off, as any Simpsons fan can tell you, “die Beakers die” is simply German for “The Beakers, The”. (and anyone who speaks German can’t be all bad).

The happiest time of the year is sadly coming to a close. With the loss at ISU, we’ve officially entered the “grumble grumble whiny whiny grumble grumble” stage of the season. (I’m talking about the fans, not the coaches). It is a postive, though, that it took to the final home game to get there. The Tigers play the mythical shoe-wearing birds on Saturday, at 11:00 a.m. It is senior day, so get inside early for those festivities. Nineteen guys will be playing their final game at Faurot Field and deserve an ovation. Due to the early start and senior day festivities, we’ll only be tailgating minimally this game. Will probably be there by 9:30 or so.

KU has a disgusting 3-game win streak against the Tigers, which will come to a close on Saturday… If we’re up 85-0 in the third quarter, leave the starters in and run up the score. A win over the shoebirds on Saturday and in the bowl game would still total 9 victories, which is more than any season in my lifetime. (At this point, most fans go back to grumble grumble whiny whiny grumble grumble stage.)

The Central Missouri Food Bank has been running their massive food drive this week. (Insert Mangino joke here.) In all my years of making fun, I’ve still yet to hear one reason (much less a good reason) on why that damn bird needs to wear shoes. Coach Mangino was lost in KC the other day, so stopped at a gas station for directions. “How do I get to 435?” he asked. “Start eating salad”, was the response.

you can’t spell “sucks” without ku. Stomp the shoebirds.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

For more vitrol, you can keep reading… no humor from this point forward (unless you find my anger funny. grumble grumble grumble.)

Their coach is fat and their mascot is a woody woodpecker ripoff, but the topic that’s eating at me currently is my renewed awareness of their hypocrisy. Their silly insistence on bringing up cheating and low class fandom is easily enough brushed away by their own worse actions. They are currently on probation in both football and basketball for “major infractions” including academic fraud and lack of institutional control and remain the only team in history unable to defend an NCAA title due to cheating. As for low class, just count how many “Muck Fizzou” shirts you see at the game on Saturday, much less any other of their games, or talk to anyone who went to either of the past two MU-KU games in Larry.

Still not there, though, I’m heading toward the idiocy of their mascot name. The same atheltic department who thought “Border War” was too inciteful is seemingly proud to recognize (and presumably honor) a band of the most vile vagabonds of the time. From the beaker website: “The word “Jayhawk” first was used in present day Kansas about 1858. It was associated with robbing, looting and general lawlessness.” Specifically, it was associated with burning down Missouri homes, stealing supplies and horses, and murdering Missourians who happened to live in the wrong counties. General Henry Halleck, Commander of the Department of the West, wrote of the Jayhawkers: “They are no better than a band of robbers; they cross the line, rob, steal, plunder, and burn whatever they can lay their hands upon. They disgrace the name and uniform of American soldiers. The course pursued by those under Lane and Jennison, has turned against us many thousands who were formerly Union men.” They also typically break out the red socks for the MU game, most times the only time they wear red socks all year, I assume to further honor the scum who were known for the red-leggings on their uniforms. It’s equivalent to an institution going by the name “lynch mob” and having a uniform resembling a sheet.

It’s disguting, dishonorable, and despicable. That said, I assume most KU fans don’t really know all that. They just buy the “free state” propaganda they’re fed from time to time. If they knew it, surely they’d surely be honorable enough to disassociate from the name.

While a 14-0 record is sadly no longer possible, 13-1 is still very much in reach. Win # 8 comes when our beloved Tigers take on the original cheaters, the Sooners from Oklahoma University, this Saturday, at 11:10 a.m. with the game broadcast on ABC. While not as bad as the mythical shoe-wearing birds, who chose to honor lawless, honorless vagabonds with their nickname, the OU wisehats presumably gave considerable thought to their choice to honor land thieves.

It’ll be a wild and crazy day Saturday, complete with a wedding, a wedding reception, a football game, a tailgate party, and a victory celebration in some order and in various order of importance. Friends from Mizzou days, Tom and Stephanie, are flying to Missouri this weekend, to get married on campus Saturday morning. Tailgate will serve as the reception, then, with festivities to begin at 9:30 a.m.

All normal tailgating activity and crowd are expected and encouraged. By “all normal tailgating” activity, of course, I mean standing around, making fun of people, drinking various items, watching the US Cellular plane drone around, and talking about how the Sooners have no chance. Lots of food (from Hoss’ Market) and beverages, due to the wedding reception aspect of things.

I’m currently at an imaging conference in California… Day one of the conference focused on how much cell phone cameras suck. It’s that sort of insight you just can’t get from home. The plus column includes the fact that my hotel room directly overlooks the Pacific, with waves crashing just underneath the room (literally, hotel is on stilts). For some odd reason, though, the seals barking outside at night tend to remind me of the beakers. can’t figure out if it’s their cheerleaders or their coach. on a side note, screw ku.

Tigers 34, OU 16,

Jason

Sarah and I went to College Station last week for the Tigers’ game against the Fighting Texas Fighting Aggie A&M marching band Aggie university Aggies. Despite being warned, I was feeling poorly Friday night and had a drink of water in College Station. I’m convinced that’s how the cult starts to suck you in, as I’ve been unable to get their damn fight song out of my head since. Overall, our experience at A&M provided a ridiculous amount of material for making fun (whoop!), but I’ll mostly decline since they were generally polite and beat us.

The Tigers are back in town this week for a contest against the Wildcats from k#~$#$ State University. Kickoff is at 1:00 p.m. with tailgating scheduled to begin by 10:30. Since it’s raining, it must be Homecoming week, with those festivities going on all weekend. Bryan Ninichuck, of Wingate Pest Control fame, is taking care of the food this game with Buckingham’s bringing the fare. Call Wingate for all your pest control needs.

You couldn’t possibly find a better contrast between going on and not-going on in football tradition than comparing A&M to K-State. A&M has songs relating back to their days as TAMC and the afore-mentioned fight song which was written in a World War I bunker. K-State, in their illustrious 10+ seasons of success, have managed to string together the letters K-S-U in a cheer, led by their dope of a mascot who just wears a head. Our ridiculous too-long jinx against the purple kitties and their purple camoflauge wearing fans will end this year, in a big way.

Hope to see you & yours at the tailgate or soon otherwise. If you’re at the game and see a helicopter flying around near the opening kickoff, smile and wave at Sarah as she’ll be in there taking photos. On a side note, screw ku.

Thursday greetings, Tiger fans. Football season is so happy that we’re to the point of grumbling about the unpleasantness displayed in our 25-point victory last week. Fantastic problems to have.

The Big 12 schedule kicks off this weekend with the Puffalos of Colorado coming to town. Kickoff is at 11:40 a.m. with tailgating to begin by 9:30. We’ll once again be joined by team members from Miller’s Professional Imaging, which means plenty of pre-game entertainment and food. Hoss’ Market is bringing breakfast, to be served beginning at 9:45.

The Tigers wil easily improve to 5-0 on Saturday (35% to 14-0), as Colorado comes to town to serve as some sort of freaky carnival mirror-image to our beloved Tigers. We’re 4-0, they’re 0-4. We’ve allowed a total of 37 points, they’ve scored a total of 36. Their QB has thrown for 296 yards total, ours throws for that every game. Our head coach was in the MAC, theirs came from the WAC. Our black & gold looks good, their black and gold looks tired. We’re ranked and they’re rank. Budweiser vs Coors. Ozark Mountains vs, um, you get the point. To quote friends from college days, “we will not not kill them.”

See you at the game. You can’t spell KU sucks without CU.

We’re past the 20% mark on our way to the Tigers’ first ever 14-0 season, with a victory over the Bobcats of Ohio University coming this weekend. Kickoff is at 1:00 p.m. and we’ll be tailgating by 10:30 or 11:00. Not expecting much of a tailgating crowd, so won’t have much in the way of food. We’d still be happy to see you though.

Ohio is coached by Frank Solich, formerly of Nebraska. After 30+ years in the land of corn as a player, assistant coach, and head coach, turns out they didn’t like him very much. He was fired after a 10-3 season in 2003. No similar problems in Ohio, where his Q-rating is through the roofie after just one season. (Solich given date rape drug?)

This is the last non-conference game of the year (we’ll play another non-conference opponent this season, but that will be in January 2007), so the last chance to come to a game without feeling disgust and hatred toward our opponents and their strangely dressed fans.

p.s. down with the shoebirds.

Happy football season indeed, as the Tigers looked as good as could possibly be expected in their 47-7 win over Murray State last weekend. Mizzou is favored by 10-points over the Rebels from Ole Miss this weekend, and I say we’re in for a better win than that. 35-20 is my prediction.

Kickoff Saturday is at 11:40 a.m. We’ll be at the tailgate by 9:30. As always, if you’d like us to bring stuff to the game for you, just leave it on our porch sometime before midnight on Friday.

I had my gall bladder removed a week ago and haven’t been funny since. The gall bladder’s main purpose is to store bile, so I’m also likely lacking there. Thus far, I’ve found no scientific evidence that bile and humour are interconnected, but I have my suspicions. I also have my suspicions about the so-called “heat index”, “wind-chill factor”, and tiny ears of corn served at banquets, but those are topics for another time. (I thought spelling humour like a Brit might make me funny again, but I’m afraid it really just made me appear pretentious.)

on a side note, ESPN is reporting that the mythical shoe-wearing birds hate children. ESPN says beakers hate kids

While some would argue that the proof is the $35 charge for the 3-month old to attend the game, the more astute of us would point to the fact that the poor kid’s parents want her to graduate from KU someday.

Greetings tailgaters, football fans, friends, family, and all.

September is here, which Adelaide would tell you means it’s time for football. She’d also remind you that her birthday is in September. And that Jack’s birthday is after her birthday. And who else’s birthday is after my birthday? The conversation would probably then drift toward dance class, mermaids, and cupcakes with lots of hand gestures involved, but, actually, I digress….

September means football, the happiest time of the year. On Saturday, at 6:00 p.m., our beloved Tigers take on the Racers from Murray State University. Located in Murray, Kentucky, they claim to be “Kentucky’s Public Ivy University.” If I was them, I’d change my name to that. PIU has a nice ring to it.

You can impress your football neighbors by letting them know that Murray State’s all-time leading rusher is a gentleman named Don Clayton, from Malden, Missouri. (Go Green Wave.) Don was my high school football coach and had a brief stint with the Patriots before a knee injury ended his career. All proves to show that dolts whining about Missouri coaches not ‘sealing the borders’ in recruiting have a long history of being right. Or that it’s impossible.

We’ll be tailgating in the same spot again this year, Lot D, as the Tigers embark on the school’s first ever 14-0 season. For the Murray State game, we’ll again be joined by the fine folks from Miller’s Professional Imaging. Food provided by Buckingham’s BBQ, to be served beginning at 4:00. I’ll likely be at the tailgate by 2:00 or so. Or maybe noon. Any and all are welcome.

On the health front, since we hadn’t visited enough hospitals recently, I went to MU Urgent Care on Friday morning. They liked me so much that I stayed overnight and they invited me back. I’ll have my gall bladder removed tomorrow morning. So when you see me next, be sure to punch me in the gut.

on a side note, screw ku.

On Saturday at 1:00 p.m., the Tigers play their final home game of the season against the Baylor Bears. Tailgating will be minimal, due to the fact that everyone should be in the game early in time to give the 17 seniors a long and loud standing ovation. While #16 will certainly get the most attention, this group also includes a cancer survivor, one of our all-time leading receivers, and one of our all-time leading tacklers. By my count, 4 of these guys will be in the NFL next year. Not sure what time senior day stuff will be, but typically about 30 minutes prior to kick-off.

Seems silly and sure doesn’t feel that way, but Tigers have very realistic chances of beating Baylor and KSU to finish the season 7-4. A bowl win would get them to 8-4, which matches the most wins in any season of my lifetime. With various good friends with similar penchants for punishment I witnessed both ugly losses at KU and CU firsthand.

Possibly the most amazing thing about both games was how good the atmosphere is at Farout Field (now there’s a nickname, not the stupid Zoo thing the players insist on) compared to a comparable program (sadly) at KU and a much better program (also sadly) at CU. Beaker fans only care about basketball, CU fans care about being cool, MU fans seemingly care about football and wallowing in our misery. Maybe CU fans are better when there’s a better game, but they were never loud or affected anything we were doing. There were other amazing things about both games, but that would tend to lead to more wallowing in our misery so I’ll stay away.

This is going to be too long, but here’s a bunch of info on #16 as well as the other seniors who will be playing their final home games on Saturday.

Seniors Playing their Final Game at Faurot Field
Arnold Britt, WR, St. Louis, Mo.
Elgin Childress, DL, Southfield, Mich.
Sean Coffey, WR, East Cleveland, Ohio
Chris Crosby, WR, St. Louis, Mo.
Zach Kauflin, DL, Bonne Terre, Mo.
A.J. Kincade, DB, St. Louis, Mo.
Marcus King, DB, Irving, Texas
Derrick Ming, LB, Webster Groves, Mo.
Tony Palmer, OL, Midwest City, Okla.
Justin Scott, S, Lufkin, Texas
Jason Simpson, S, The Woodlands, Texas
Brad Smith, QB, Youngstown, Ohio
Earl Stephens, DL, Ferndale, Mich.
Andrew Topps, LB, LaGrange Park, Ill.
Quincy Wade, S, St. Louis, Mo.
Calvin Washington, DB, Lancaster, Texas
Scott Wheatley, DL, Cleveland, Mo.

47 Records Brad Smith holds coming into Saturday’s game:
MU Career Records (17)

• Total Offense
• Passing Yards
• Rushing Yards
• All-Purpose Yards
• Touchdown Passes
• Touchdowns Responsible For
• Games with 100 Yards Rushing
• Games with 200 Yards Rushing
• Most Seasons with 1,000 Yards Rushing
• Passes Completed
• Passes Attempted
• Rushes Attempted
• Average Yards Per Rush
• Games with 400 Yards Total Offense
• Games with 300 Yards Total Offense
• Lowest Interception Percentage

Big 12 Career Records (3)

• Rushing Yards by a QB
• 2-Point Conversions
• 2-Point Conversion Attempts

MU Season Records (11)

• Total Offense
• Touchdowns Scored
• Touchdowns Scored by Rushing
• Touchdowns Responsible For
• Rushing Yards by a QB
• Highest Avg. Gain Per Rush
• Passes Completed
• Passes Attempted
• Freshman Rushing Yards
• Lowest Interception Percentage

MU Game Records (8)

• Total Offense
• Touchdown Passes
• Touchdowns Scored
• Rushing Touchdowns
• Points Scored
• Plays
• Rushing Yards by a QB
• Rushing Yards by a Freshman

Big 12 Game Records (3)

• Rushing Yards Gained by a QB
• Yards Per Rush
• Plays

NCAA Season Records (1)

• Freshman QB Rushing Yards

NCAA Career Records (4)

• Rushing Yards by a QB
• Most Seasons Gaining 2,500 Yards Total Offense
• Most Seasons Gaining 1,000 Yards Passing & 1,000 Yards Rushing
• Most Seasons Gaining 2,000 Yards Passing & 1,000 Yards Rushing

8 Records Brad Smith will also hold by the end of the season, all but two after Saturday’s game:
MU Career Records

• Points
• Touchdowns
• Rushing Touchdowns
• Games with 200 Yards Passing
• Consecutive Games Started

NCAA Career Records

• Most Seasons Gaining 3,000 Yards Total Offense

Big 12 Career Records

• Total Offense
• Plays

If you’re in Columbia tonight, you should go to Columbia College basketball vs. Lincoln U at 7:00 p.m.

screw ku.

Saturday morning the Tigers return to Farout Field taking on the Cornhuskers from the University of Nowledge. Game time is at 11:30 a.m., we’ll be tailgating by 9:00. Brian Ninichuck, from Wingate Pest Control, is graciously providing the food for this week’s festivities, so call Wingate for all your pest control needs. Coincidence, or not, that a pest control company is involved when the shuckers come to town? Not sure if food will be served pre-game or halftime, depending on when Buckingham’s can make it there, but please come and enjoy the food, the camaraderie, traffic driving close by the corner of Stadium and Providence, and the proliferation of N fans wearing white jeans under their hangover bellies.

Legend has it the Cornhuskers got their nickname from the University of Iowa. Not content with the name Bugeaters anymore, they approached the Iowegans who were using both Hawkeye and Cornhusker. Now I hate KU, but at least they had the gumption to conjur up a mythical shoe-wearing bird, even if they did pattern that prairie chicken after Woody Woodpecker. You don’t like Bugeaters, so your choices are to steal an animal’s body part or a fierce shucker of corn from a neighboring state?

Last time Nebraska was in town, we beat them and their player knocked out one of our fans. We shall beat them by 150 in retribution. After we do so, CU and Mizzou will be tied for first place in the Big XII North, with a showdown looming in Boulder in 2 weeks.

See you at the tailgate, beat nebraska, screw ku.