Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Writing not so much because of the timing, but to break out of doldrums hopefully…  However, coincidence or not, 6 months ago today it was.

One week into 2009, I’m finding it to be not very fine.  That’s an overstatement, but it rhymed.  November & December are extremely busy at my work.  Throw in the holidays and my worrying about how all that would go, some football, and it made for relatively quick days and weeks.  And our Christmas went very well, as I mentioned before (and provided video proof).

Maybe I was so consumed and consumered with making sure we had a good Christmas, or that I was at least prepared if things were rough, that I didn’t give any thought at all to what the New Year would be like.  Or maybe it’s just natural as things slow down to also feel a little more down.  I’m typically bored in January anyway.  Or maybe it’s just there’s nothing really that I’m looking forward to until I’m not sure when.  Jack’s birthday in June, I guess.

Whatever the reason, combination of all of it probably, I’m finding the routine of returning to normal not so fun.  Guess the first week back to school for everyone is a bit like that too, as the time of sleeping in and doing whatever is hard to leave.  It will improve.

Random bits:

• I’m going to eventually have to cook.  It’s not even the fact that I don’t really ever have much interest in cooking that’s holding me back.  More that it seems the final straw toward accepting what’s going on, which I don’t really want to do.
• I’m going to eventually have to figure out what to do with my wedding ring.  Even if I quit wearing it, what do I do with it then?  I have a safe deposit box, but what would I be saving it for?  I wish I’d have thought of placing it with Sarah, but doubt I would have done it at the time.  That’s where I wish it was now though.
• Sort of connected, I’m thankful for the things that did get placed with Sarah… all of them, but especially the scarf with the kids’ pictures and the camera.  And the people that made all of that happen, including the clothing and hair.  I tried to think of every detail possible for the party (services), but missed everything on that.  I knew they had her taken care of, but just never could manage the time to come up with things I’d have liked her to have.  Am glad others did.
• I wish I could remember more of her services.  My mom asked if I had any interest in videoing it, both for me and the kids.  She didn’t think I would, I didn’t, and I still think I’m glad we didn’t, but I still wish I could remember more about it… who all was there, people I spoke to, what was said, and what I said.
• I’m relatively close to having her memorial stone finalized.  Made significant progress on remaining details while I was in San Antonio.  I have, though, encountered a snag with the cemetery.   I’m fairly confident we’ll find a way past that, though, if for no other reason than I’ll be obnoxious and belligerent if it truly becomes a problem.
• Despite repeatedly telling myself I don’t need a new car, I keep looking at new cars.  Continuation of my regression to a teenager where buying junk will make me feel better is a rationalization for purchase.  Sarah & I had said we were going to buy a hybrid next.  Luckily, regression hasn’t made me blind to how much those damned things cost.
• It seems we’re going to finally have direct deposit at work.  Holy 1990s.