Jason's Untimely Thoughts

First, a reminder of the substance — A charity concert to benefit Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers Foundation.  Held Friday, June 5, 2009, at The Soiled Dove in Denver, Colorado.

We’re trying to finalize hotel details, but need a decent guess on the number of people/rooms needed.  If you know you’re traveling and know how many nights you’ll be staying, I’d appreciate a quick email so we can finalize those details as best as possible.  Tentative plans include some variety of shuttle service between the hotel and the venue.

The event will feature live music from local Denver musicians… An all star group of locals will open the show.  The Hazel Miller Band will be the feature act.  Both bands plan on performing Lance’s song, Everything Changes.

We’ll have a photo contest going on via slideshow, themed Everything Changes.  Winners will receive prizes to be announced.  Entries can be emailed to everythingchanges@becking.com.  Unless specified, low res versions of these entries will be available for download purchase after the show.

We’ll have lots of items available via silent auction.  These items will likely be available online first, so all are welcome to participate.

We’ll have a potter throwing some stuff during the night.  Selected pieces of her work will also be available during the show, proceeds again benefitting the RMCCF.

In addition to the online auction, some of the music and many of the photographs will be available for purchase online after the show.  Again, proceeds donating the RMCCF.  Tickets to the show will be $40, and will also be available online beforehand.

Finally, because of the cost of the venue, the band, etc., we are seeking sponsors.  In the $500-1000 range purely to help offset costs, so there are more proceeds for donation.  If you’d like more information or know a company or person who might be interested, please let me know.

Everything Changes.  Honor Sarah, fight cancer, have fun.

So the kids’ normal bedtime routine is to read a couple of books, then fall asleep watching a movie.  With any luck, they both fall asleep.  Otherwise, hopefully the one sleeping remains that way while the other one yells at me with an update.  Think I’ve told this tale before.

Sometime around Christmas, they came home with a new favorite movie, Mr. Mom.  Yep, that one.  Michael Keaton, Teri Garr, that one.  They love it, think it’s the funniest thing since the most recent funniest thing.  Which I find extremely annoying, because it feels like they’re laughing at me.  Of course, I’ve refused to watch it again, so maybe I should do that.  220, 221, whatever it takes.

The kids were gone Friday night, so I headed downtown to meet a friend.  Or two, but one of them stood us up for either high school wrestlers or high school cheerleaders, depending on which story you believe.  It was all good, nice dinner and conversation and cold beers.  But then done around 8:00 with absolutely nothing to do.  It’s still ridiculously odd and uncomfortable to go home to an empty house in those circumstances.  But was cold and odder to walk around downtown aimlessly so home I went.  I’m practically begging for some time alone at times, but am often still unable to really cope when that happens.

I’m still detailing the details of both new kitchen tile and Sarah’s monument.  Both of which I would much prefer to have her opinion on.  People (women mostly) tell tales of going and buying new whatever and their spouses not knowing anything of it, but that’s not how we operated.  We generally made all those decisions together… The stoplight in the living room, the colors on the walls, the silverware, the new tv, we bought most of it together.  After much conversation in most cases.

Back to people laughing at me, here’s some funny flaws pointed out recently:

• In a conversation about opinions, I stated something along the lines of “I just state my opinion, when asked.”  A friend then responded, rightly, something along the lines of “you don’t just state your opinion.  You wad it up in a ball and wing it at the person.”  Fair enough.  Which explains why I sometimes have a post it note above my keyboard at work saying “Be Nice.”  I don’t mean to be mean.  Rarely think I actually am, of course I’m probably not the best person to ask that.
• Someone also recently mentioned a book they said reminded them of me.  Or I reminded them of the book.  Or something.  So I go to Amazon and find it, start reading the review.  “His analysis (is) personally revealing rather than profoundly insightful” and “sometimes falls into merely self-indulgent musing.”  I have no idea what made them think of me.
• I was also reminded that I was clueless and occasionally idiotic with regards to dating in the early years of college especially.  (Mostly it was me reminding myself of theses facts, and I’m sure others could chime in here.  Please don’t.)  Glad that’s no longer an issue.

Last Saturday, a group of folks who I’d asked came to the house and went through Sarah’s closet and other personal belongings.  It’s one of those transition things that people always talk about being hard.  I skirted my responsibilities by having them do it, while I entertained the kids all day.

Not skirting, though, really, as I thought that was the best group of people to do it.  Perfect combination of connection to Sarah, common sense, and looking out for the kids to do whatever was appropriate with whatever they came across.  Of course, as is common, they went above and beyond and left me with nothing to do.  I was fully expecting and prepared to need to shuttle the different stacks of stuff around, if only inside the house.

I know it was a long and difficult day for them, but I appreciate them doing it.  The sight of the redone closet didn’t impact me like I expected it would, but it was shocking, sad, and sorrowful to open each drawer in the chest and find nothing but emptiness.  The hollowness of the drawers left little room for delusions.

Speaking of delusions, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.  Sarah & I generally didn’t celebrate it much, both believing it to be largely a Hallmark Holiday.  Especially when we were younger, and there was more time for celebrating on normal days.  But I feel oddly like I should do something tomorrow for her.  I truly think she would find that absurd, which is my initial reaction too, but it keeps coming back up.  We’ll see, I guess.

On the homefront, Jack is almost completely diaper free these days.   Much thanks to the preschool and the sitter for working on that.  Our kitchen floor was poorly installed during the addition process, so I’m going to have it tiled soon.  Although Sarah & I talked about changing it for months and years, I find myself hesitant to do something different.  So, may end up tiling it to look strikingly similar to the current flooring.  Stay tuned.

Oxymoron?

The date for Everything Changes is set for June 5, 2009, at The Soiled Dove in Denver, Co.  More info on the event posted here previously, but in short, Honor Sarah, Fight Cancer, Have Fun.  Proceeds from the event will benefit the Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers Foundation.

The title comes from Lance Jungmeyer’s song, which he’s just put on youtube.

Everything Changes – written and performed by Lance Jungmeyer

More details posted as they come, or the facebook group is staying current.

I woke up this morning around 3:00 to the sound of the Grant School bell going off.  Adelaide snoring.  And Jack singing in his sleep.  “Hey, want the funk.  What funk?  That garbage funk!  Hey, want the funk.  What funk?  That garbage funk!”  Insanity.  According to both Adelaide & Jack that’s a song in a Disney show, although I find it hard to believe (edited:  but the internet doesn’t lie:  youtube clip.)

For some reason, though, garbage funk seems to describe my mood the past few days.  With “what funk?” being an apt question as I’m unable to figure out how to find my way out of it.  I’ve mentioned it before, but after the new year I’ve had a hard time finding something to look forward to, which is definitely part of it.  Occasionally something comes up that lifts my mood, but timing, circumstances, people of different opinions, or too much hype pops the balloon.

I feel like I’ve started toward normal, which didn’t seem possible for a long time.  But any step toward normal is uneasy and awkward.  I know I wish I’d never have mentioned anything about dating in this space.  Which serves me right, as I specifically told people I wouldn’t put anything like that here and then ignored my own advice.  No one freaked out, except me, but it’s a conversation I’m mostly not ready to have with hardly anyone.  So putting it in a public space was a bad move.

In other news…

People are still great about asking if I need anything.  Which, specifically, I don’t need anything.  I do still need help, though, especially with the kids, but I’m miserable at giving you a good answer to “what can I do?”  If you have something specific in mind, I’m happy to have specific offers, which we’ll accept or not as we can.  If you ask “can I do anything?” the answer is probably going to be no.

Adelaide had her second set of ear tubes inserted on Monday, with the added bonus of adnoids taken out, but is doing well.  She was in good spirits by Monday night and went to school and dance on Tuesday.  No ear infections, just drainage issues impacting hearing.  Same deal as last year, with immediate improvement afterwards, also like last year.

SEMO got hit by a lot of ice, if you haven’t heard.  My older brother Mitch put some pictures up of the aftermath here.  Impressive and devastating.

I’ve finalized the last details of Sarah’s memorial stone.  I’ve asked the cemetery people to call the monument people to make sure everyone is thinking of everything, then will order from there.  Probably won’t be in place until late Spring, at the earliest.

I’ve also been approached by the State Historical Society of Missouri about donating Sarah’s work to their archive.  As I understand it anyway, there’s a “Women in Journalism” segment of their Western Historical Manuscript Collection which would be appropriate for Sarah’s photographs.  Nothing official yet, but certainly something I’m strongly considering.  There are literally bookshelves filled with negatives and disks and disks filled with digital photographs, would hate for it to be lost.