Jason's Untimely Thoughts

I haven’t posted any original thoughts here in a while (ever? Shut up.). I seem to have writing dry spells when I’m feeling bad, which is certainly part of what’s going on now. It’s also undeniable that writing can improve my mood, so here goes.

We’re exceptionally busy at work. By “we”, I mean them. My routine is pretty much to show up about 9:00 and leave absolutely no later than 5:01 due to kids, schools, etc. Work is an odd place this time of the year, with people routinely working 15 hours a day (or more), 6 or 7 days a week during the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. While I’d not normally have done that much, it wouldn’t at all be unusual for me to come back after dinner and work until early in the morning helping in some trivial way. Not able to do that now, of course, which should translate to more sleep, but instead mostly translates into me feeling more lost than I like about what’s going on.

On the home front, both Jack and Adelaide fought through the chicken pox recently. His case was visually pretty mild, although the itchiness at night certainly wasn’t, and just lasted a couple of days. I thought Adelaide was in the clear, only to eventually miss 4 or so days of school with a much more traditional case of the pox. Extreme itchiness and lots of spots was followed up by lots of extreme boredom. They each are anxiously awaiting Christmas and would like “one of those” from whichever commercial was just on.

There were dueling Christmas parties at their schools today. The preschool Christmas party pretty much consisted of them building an obstacle course and having two tables for crafts. Here kids, go play, which the preschoolers loved. Adelaide’s was a recital with the two first grade classes combining for about 6 songs with a few speaking parts mixed in. She did well, which was never in doubt. The assistant principal told her after rehearsal that she was the loudest one (in the speaking parts). It was fun to watch them perform and enjoy it.

Personally, I used to really like this time of the year. I liked being crazy at work, dealing with whatever madness ensues after asking 130+ people to work 80+ hours a week for a few weeks in a row. I liked the confluence of football and basketball seasons, going to all of that. And I liked Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s in general. I really do enjoy walking around downtown in the cold trying to find gifts that I like for everyone. The Christmas lights, the trees, the chaos – all good.

This year, I’m not liking much of any of that, or much else. I think it’s partially just a matter of not remembering last year clearly, but the holidays seem worse this year. I don’t sleep well and I don’t find much that entertains or even distracts me. A third wheel, wherever I go, is my new normal experience. I’m lucky to have a great job, people here that take care of me, great neighbors that help, and great family that helps. But none of that is what I miss when I’m in a room full of others or a house full of nothing but me and the kids.

As stupid as it is, pretty much the only time over the past several months when I can look back and say all was well was at a MU football or basketball game. I’d be in the stands, watching a happy number of Tiger victories. Sarah wouldn’t typically be beside me in those circumstances, so it’s as close to normal as I can get.

It’s not miserable, just cold and lonely. Winter, I guess they call it. I’ll try to put lights on our house this weekend, which will cheer everyone up some. We’ll move onward, the passing days will further spur me into action as we head toward Christmas parties, the lots of gifts I need to buy, and the fun of watching the kids on their (many many many) Christmases. We’ll be in Houston for a few days – the Tigers’ bowl game and New Years in Texas will add some nice variety. And on we go.

The next post will be cheerier. On a side note, screw ku.