Jason's Untimely Thoughts

This is the first week of summer vacation for the kids, which means the first week of sitter roulette at the house.  Our now long-time sitter has the kids two days each week, a new sitter has them another two days, with a grandma taking care of the final day.  Both kids are scheduled for Columbia College basketball camp next week, with soccer camp and vacation bible school coming later this summer.   We’ll also take a trip to Colorado over the 4^th of July – no real plans, just for fun.

Today is also Jack’s birthday, he’s now five.   So five years ago yesterday, about the time of this writing, I rushed home from work to pick up Sarah and speed to the hospital.  We got a slight police escort through downtown and rushed inside before things slowed down dramatically, a monster thunderstorm came through Columbia, and JTB was eventually delivered via c-section around 1:35 in the morning of June 9.

Adelaide whispering secrets to Jack

Also means, of course, that Sarah’s birthday and our anniversary have just passed, and that another memorable time of the year is coming right up.  Except for Jack’s birthday, none of the other dates are especially difficult or troubling for me.  I certainly wish Sarah was around whenever we’re celebrating something, but don’t necessarily miss her more or think of her more on the ‘bad’ days.  In all, it’s just a time of the year with a lot of memories.

At least yesterday, the same seems to be true for Adelaide.  Occasionally she’ll be upset, especially around bed time, with the only real verbal explanation that she misses mommy.  This happened extremely rarely early on, has become a bit more frequent over the last 6-8 months, but is still not a common thing.  Right or wrong, more than once I’ve at least partially chalked it up to avoiding bedtime.  Not saying she didn’t miss Sarah or wasn’t upset, but that it seemed to be at least as much about going to bed.

Last night was a little different, she was both very upset and more willing to talk to me about it than normal.  She said she was just thinking about mommy, “what she looked like and stuff”, and became upset.  After a little time and a little talking, said she was just thinking about “how nice she was and how fun she was”.  At which point of course I’m crying, even though Adelaide isn’t anymore.

In all, I think it’s healthy, although it hurts me to watch her go through it.  She’d spent some time weekly recently with the counselor at school, “talking about memories” so I think she might be missing that some too.  From the moment I told the kids about Sarah being gone, Adelaide has been very hesitant to talk to me about anything except happy memories, and wouldn’t let me see her upset for a long time.  As she fell asleep last night, she said she might like to find someone to talk with about memories and such, so I’ve scheduled an introductory appointment for that to happen.  No matter what, I think it’ll be good for her to have someone to talk freely with.

On a completely different topic, I had a great time on my trip to Dallas a few weeks ago.  If you ever think about going to the Byron Nelson golf tournament, you should.  Especially if you have a hook up like we ended up with.  Or appreciate sun dresses.  Or booze.  Same thing for a Jimmy Buffet concert, even if you’re a music snob (Sammy).  And if you’re a single male aged 35 or below, I’d recommend you go to one of those events, then just never leave Dallas.

Finally, I’m so sick of the PacBig1012141618 expansion “reporting”.  Someone text me when it’s over.  And I’m becoming a little obsessed with Dri Fit clothing.  If anyone has a closet full of golf shirts/t-shirts/shorts made of the deliciously wicking fabric, I’ll be happy to come take some off your hands.  On a PacBig1012141618 note, screw ku (although I sincerely wish that Mizzou, Nebraska, and ku would all go to the Big 10 should that really shake out).