Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Happy Thursday, Tiger fans!

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers continue their undefeated (home) season with a contest against the Sooners from the University of Oklahoma. Kickoff is at 6:45 p.m., which is a great time to have a football game. Thank you, benevolent television executive overlords, for listening to my pleas for a later football start time. I predict a 23-10 Mizzou victory, improving to 7-2 on the year and likely falling another few spots in the polls since the opponent isn’t very good.

I’ll be at the tailgate for good starting around 1:00. Mattress By Appointment is buying food as a thank you to all who have purchased mattresses over the years (I have 8 queens left, call me if you want one). D.Rowe’s is delivering smoked turkey, brisket, and some sides. We’ll also have some Lutz’s chips courtesy of the Eichenbergs. Seems likely like we’ll also have a Lutz, which is good. As always, friends, sides, and desserts are good things to bring if you’re bringing things.

The last time we played the land thieves in Columbia, two historic events occurred. As we got to our seats for a wonderful night time kickoff, the aforementioned Lutz turned around and said “Gold pants, Jason!” to which I replied, “GOLD PANTS!!!”  Seconds later, Gahn McGaffie (wearing #3), ran back the opening kickoff for a touchdown.  And thus GOLD PANTS!!! #GoldPants was born. That also remains the only time in history that I had to sit down after a play, because I was tired. It is a travesty that Mizzou doesn’t have any GOLD PANTS!!! #GoldPants this year. Unless they’ve been holding out on us, secretly saving them for this game, and some other #3 wearing dude is going to run back the opening kickoff for a touchdown. That’s a plan I can get behind.

In the only other eventful news of the week, Mizzou athletics is making noise that there will be “significant” price increases for all things football and basketball next year. I understand their need for more revenue, as I also have a need for more revenue. However, the combination of that news, whatever the definition of “significant” turns out to be, and the likely impact on Lot D parking because of the new North Endzone construction, it’s possible a 22-year run of tailgating in Lot D is coming to a close. We’ll be back out there for the Arkansas game, but both the crowd and weather can be down that time of the year, unlike the awesome forecast for this week, so this could be the end. Let’s make it a beautiful end, my friends. 

Go Tigers, beat the land thieves, and on a side note, screw ku.

Happy Homecoming, Tiger fans!

The happiest time of the happiest time of the year is upon us, as our beloved Tigers host the War Eagle Tigers from Auburn University on Saturday.  Kickoff is at 11:00 am, which I believe I’ve mentioned before is an awful time to start a football game and should be outlawed. Seriously, state legislature, if you can pass laws about ignoring NCAA rules and doing our own thing with NIL, someone please ban 11:00 am kickoff times.

I’ll be at the tailgate early, with a (very) brief walk over to the parade line up to see our various people. I walk by the parade before it starts, that’s my parade. It’s next level stuff. With that kind of thought leadership, Momentum Motivation has a bunch of bagels and pastries coming from B&B Bagel, because nothing says motivation like carbs. We’ll have the regular breakfast drinks, the regular non-breakfast drinks, and some coffee. Bring your own inspirational mug should you choose.

The good Tigers shall continue their undefeated (at home) season, improving to 6-1 on the year, inching back toward a Top 10 ranking, and remaining in the playoff conversation. Auburn seems to be a weird team, befitting a weird place calling itself “The Plain.” Their town is famous for lemonade and toilet paper, which are both fine things, but typically only bragged upon during disasters. Their fans are happy to scream “War Eagle” at you, often times from within punching distance. In general, it’s fine, they’re fine, we shall win.

Someone once told me why “War Eagle,” and it was so uninteresting I forgot. I looked it up just now, and in fact there are four different uninteresting origin stories, only one of which involves an eagle. The others are about a dude (on the other team) named Bald Eagle, buzzards, and something falling off of a hat.  Anyway, everyone knows the old saying, if you have four origin stories, you don’t have any. Speaking of made up birds, screw ku.

Happy Tuwedursday, Tiger fans!

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers host the Commodores from Vanderbilt University. Kickoff is scheduled for 3:15 p.m. as the Tigers improve to 4-0 on the season, get their first SEC win of the year, and who knows what happens in the next polls from there. Just keep winning, I say.

I’ve been travelling this week, so I have no idea what day today is. I know I’ll be at the tailgate for good by 11:30 or so Saturday morning, whenever that is, so come on out when you will. Nancy & Bill are bringing ribs from the bootheel. As always, sides and desserts are good things to bring. Wear gold again.

In honor of playing the Commodores, we’ll score 64 points this week. Easy. And our defense will be a Brick House, as our winning streak continues to Sail On. Still, screw ku.

Happy Wednesday, Tiger fans!

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers host the Eagles from Boston College (BC). Kickoff is scheduled for 11:45 a.m., which is inarguably a better kickoff time than 11:00 a.m. The Tigers will improve to 3-0 on the young season, maybe move up another spot in the polls(?), and avenge an overtime defeat at BC three years ago.  

Early games mean early starts, so the lots open at 7:00 a.m., come join me when you will. Mattress By Appointment is providing breakfast tacos. Although in truth Crazy Good Burritos on the business loop is providing breakfast tacos. Although in truth the Messers are picking up the tacos, so maybe they’re providing them. Anyway, food expected around 9:00 a.m. Will have bloodies, screwdrivers, and typical breakfast drinks. Desserts or sweets or any brunch type item would be good things to bring, if you’re bringing things.

I’ve seen Boston College play twice, and seen them win twice. The third time shan’t be the charm. For them. It’ll be my charm. In 2021 a bunch of us met in Boston and had a great time for the weekend, but saw Mizzou struggle to a 17-27 deficit at the end of the 3rd quarter. The Tigers scored twice to take a 31-27 lead, then BC scored with 25 seconds left to seemingly win it 31-34, until Mevis drilled a 56 yard field goal as time expired to send it to OT. Ultimately BC won 34-41 and the BC students and fans stormed the field.

In 1993, my roommate and I drove to Notre Dame in late November to watch them host BC in the final game of the year. The week before Lou Holtz’s Notre Dame squad beat previously undefeated Florida State in “The Game of the Century” to move to a #1 ranking.  By the end of the 3rd quarter, though, BC led 31-17, and the craziest damn thing I’ve ever seen happened… the Notre Dame band played some song, the students all made “L” signs with their hands, and started chanting “Lou!”  Now, being a Missouri football fan in 1993, I was familiar with the concept of people yelling the coach’s name. But the students were supporting their team and their coach, for some reason, despite being behind. It was nuts. Notre Dame went on to score 22 points and take a 39-38 lead with 1:09 left in the game. Shockingly, though, BC drove and kicked a 41-yard field goal as time expired to win the game and BC fans stormed Notre Dame’s field.

The moral of all this, besides my third time’s the charm situation, is that the Notre Dame game is the first time ever I really felt the support of a crowd pull a team back into contention. None of this “it only happens to us” nonsense that some of those that sit around me at various Mizzou games are quick to say. So, think good things and cheer for the team and coaches. I think Mizzou wins handily this weekend, but if it comes down to a last-second field goal, hopefully we’re the ones kicking it. Also also, watch out for those bastards from BC, they’re quick to storm a field. Speaking of bastards, screw ku.

Happy Wednesday, Tiger fans!

After a dominant win last week, our beloved Tigers will move to 2-0 this week and continue to rise up the polls. Kickoff against the University of Buffalo Bulls is scheduled for 6:00 pm on Saturday.

Since we’re playing Buffalo, I had the genius and original idea to have wings at the tailgate. That’s the kind of thought leadership you get from our tailgate. Plus, it’s a white out game, so wear your white. Wings and white, again, I’m a thinker. 

CJ’s and D. Rowe’s wings, courtesy of the Messers and us. And a whiskey based cocktail of the game. As always, sides and desserts are good things to bring if you’re bringing things. I’m sure I’ll be to the tailgate for good by 12:30 or so, come join me when you will.

The Bulls of Buffalo are blue, for some reason. I’m not sure what color I’d expect a bulls mascot to be, but Blue Bulls seems weird. Speaking of things that don’t make any sense, screw ku.

Happy New Year, Tiger fans, and welcome back the happiest time of the year. On Thursday, our beloved Tigers begin the first season of the college football playoff era, hosting the Racers from Murray State University. Kickoff is scheduled for 7:00 p.m. with the tailgate lots opening at 3:00, which is when I’ll arrive. Lot D, lives on.

The first year of the playoff era has made it difficult to predict the Tigers’ final record, but I’ll go with 15-0. I saw some statistical model that had Mizzou winning this first game 58-1, so I feel pretty good about the first one. Coach Drinkwitz said “It’s going to be a difficult challenge, probably the most difficult opening game that we faced since I’ve been here.” We’ll see how long it takes the players to reach midseason form, but it’s clear the coach speak has already reached elite levels.

On tailgate stuff, bring what you will this game. I have no idea what kind of tailgating crowd to expect, when people will arrive, and so on. I’ll have coolers and I’m also toying with the idea of bringing a beverage of the game each week. Time will tell on that idea. Conveniently, google maps has updated their satellite view of the area to sometime midday from last year’s homecoming game; it’s fun to check out the entire area as tailgating was starting to unfold for the day.

Finally, I can’t mention playing Murray State without bringing up Don Clayton, my high school football coach and fellow Malden Green Wave. He went in the Murray State Hall of Fame in 1981, was an AFCA 1st Team All American in 1973, and is still Murray State’s all time leading rusher. Go Green Wave. On a side note, screw ku.

Happy Thursday, Tiger fans!

The happiest time of the year continues to be the happiest time of the year, despite being the final home game of the season, as our beloved Tigers (ranked #9, woot!) host the Gators from the University of Florida on Saturday. Kickoff is at 6:30 p.m., which is a glorious time for a football game to start.

I’ll be at the tailgate for good sometime early afternoon, I’d imagine — a rare football season opportunity to also hopefully sell some mattresses on Saturday. You should buy between 3 and 13 mattresses. If you buy 13 mattresses, I’ll probably be at the tailgate earlier, in fact, and it would go a ways toward having tailgates again next season. We’ll have ribs from southeast Missouri at the tailgate, with side dishes TBA. As always, sides and desserts are good bringing options, have your friends carry them.

I have two fairly distinct memories about Gator fans. When I lived in San Antonio I went to the nearby sports bar one Saturday to watch Mizzou play (someone?). Throughout the entirety of the game, some jackass was running around “chomping” his arms while chanting “it’s great, to be, a Florida gator.” Everyone hated him and he’s primarily why I like beating Florida now. Congrats, guy.

The second memory is at Faurot when Mizzou beat Florida in 2013 and the ENTIRE Mizzou student section did the Gator chomp to a Queen song for what felt like 15 minutes. Some clown in a Gator t-shirt insisted that we, meaning every single Mizzou fan, would regret disrespecting Florida in such a way as they exacted revenge annually for the affront. I have not regretted it once, but he became another reason why it’s great, to beat, the Florida Gators.  The Tigers move to 9-2 on the season, 36-20 seems like the right score to me. Chomp.

Speaking of other team’s fans being mad because your team’s fans did something … hey, beaker fans, you didn’t invent sticking your arms in the air. Or moving them. Or wheat. on a side note, screw ku.

Happy Thursday, Tiger fans!

On Saturday, our beloved Tigers host the Volunteers from Tennessee (aka Orange Nebraska). It’s a wear black game with kickoff scheduled for 2:30 p.m. It’s also super nice of the SEC to schedule this one on the first weekend of deer season, so it’s difficult to tell who is deer hunting, who is picking up trash on the highways, who just got out on parole, and why those people are TN fans (standard TN joke, sorry). It should be a perfect day for football, especially considering it’s November, as the Tigers finally beat Heupel to improve to 8-2 on the season, I’ve got a final score of 38-27.

In the day and age of NIL money for student athletes, we’ll be participating by having Imo’s pizza, sponsor of everybody’s longtime favorite quarterback Brady Cook and the current “throw the ball to…!” receiver Luther Burden.  We’ll also have CJ’s wings, because that’s sort of our own NIL deal at this point. A solid chunk of my life could be traced back to CJ’s, including two current tuition payments at Mizzou and a vast majority of the typical tailgate crowd. The typical tailgate crowd this year has oscillated between “wow, a lot of people here” and “holy hell, there’s a lot of people here.” I have no idea what to expect this weekend, other than as many as 5 Green Wave (green waves?) but as always, friends, sides, and desserts are good bringing options.

I’ve run out of things to say.  Come buy a mattress. screw ku.

Happy Thursday, Tiger fans! The happiest time of the happiest time of the year is here, as our beloved Tigers host the South Carolina Gamecocks for Homecoming. Kickoff is scheduled for 2:30 p.m. as the Tigers look to improve to 7-1.  I say 38-21 is the final outcome. 

It’s shaping up to be a perfect day for football on Saturday, especially Homecoming. Perfect weather is forecast, lots of people back in town for the game, the fall colors are in full bloom (anti-bloom?  decline?), and the Tigers host a football team with a bird mascot with an idiotic name. It’s like homecoming was invented for this weekend. The Messers are bringing pulled pork and some sides, we’ll have some sides and some Lutz’s chips as well.  As always, friends, sides, and desserts are good options for things to bring.

Last year I attended my first game at South Carolina. I was told beforehand (many, many times) that I had to go in early to watch their pre-game and “Sandstorm” festivities. While it is true that having a stadium full of people do anything simultaneously is cool (all Texas A&M traditions excluded, whoop!), this was basically just a bunch of people waving white towels around as a bird mascot was unveiled on the field. By “unveiled” I mean there was black plastic on a cart of some sort that semi-dramatically fell away to let us see their mascot. It was something, I guess, but I can think of way better things to do with a bird mascot on a football field.

The literal white towel waving continued into the game, which conveniently meant the college girl in front of us was smacking me in the face with her towel incessantly. After a few minutes of towel-to-the-face, one in our group commented that if she was going to keep dancing around like that, he was going to go get some $1 bills. She thought it was a little funny, her mom thought it was mildly funny, her dad had a different opinion. There was a moment where you could see him considering his options, then another moment where you could see him figuring out how many of us were laughing, then the waving of the white towels became metaphorical instead of literal. The Tigers marched 96-yards to score the first touchdown in a big win, the section of South Carolina fans around us gradually left, and all was well.

Speaking of all being well, screw ku.

p.s. I don’t know what the Boone County Bank buttons say this week, but if it’s not Happy Homecocking someone should be fired (or I should be hired).

Happy Thursday, Tiger fans!

On Saturday our beloved Tigers host the purple and gold Tigers from LSU. Kickoff is once again scheduled for the awful time of 11:00 a.m., although with the early arrival of fall that time should make for an absolutely perfect football Saturday, as the good Tigers improve to 6-0 on the season and to 3-1 all time over the bad Tigers. Wear black, is the official word from the athletic department.

I’m guessing there’s going to be a crowd at the tailgate this week, even with the awful start time. We’ll have some breakfast tacos from Crazy Good Burritos (think authentic breakfast tacos, not bland tortillas wrapped around an egg breakfast tacos), some sausage balls, and some bagels. Anything you’d like to add to the mix will be appreciated and eaten, I’m sure. I’ll also have the normal assortment of drinks and various breakfast drinks. And I’ll evidently have a table where college girls can play drinking games. LSU — wrong colors, bad tigers, tacos from a burrito place, but hey, drinking games!

I’ve seen Mizzou play LSU twice — a good Tigers’ win in 1978 at the Liberty Bowl and a bad Tigers’ win in 2016 at Baton Rouge. I watched most of the good Tigers’ 2020 victory in Lebanon High School during a volleyball tournament, then was the world’s worst driver while listening to the awesome end of that game as Mizzou stopped the bad Tigers four times from inside the five yard line to end the game. I’m thinking this week’s contest will be similar to that 45-41 score, but going with a black and gold win at 38-31.

Speaking of black and gold wins, screw ku.