Jason's Untimely Thoughts

Happy weekend before Thanksgiving, Tiger fans.  On Saturday, the good guys will go for the sweep of Texas schools (Baylor doesn’t count), with kickoff against Texas Tech scheduled for 2:30 p.m.  It might rain, they say, which I say means the Tigers will rain points down upon the Red Raiders with great vengeance and furious anger.

Jessie Logan and Jim Yankee, of Flat Branch Home Loans, are providing the tailgate fare this week, via D. Rowe’s.  Pulled pork and smoked wings will be the main feast, food arriving around 11:30.  Also, please bring a healthy thirst for random leftover tailgate beer (and perhaps call a cab).  My fridgeth doth overflow.

It’s senior day, the last time these kids will play at Faurot Field, the last home game in the Big 6/7/8/12/12-2-1+1+1-1.  Go in early and give these guys a cheer.

on a side note, screw ku.

So, everyone content?  Seriously, each cheerful?  Strikingly, everyone’s calmer now. Suddenly, exhilaration commenced.   Saturday, everything continues.

The Tigers face the Longhorns from Texas on Saturday, almost certainly for the last time in Columbia in forever. (Although I do assume we’ll meet them in the National Championship game in two years or so.)  Game time is the wonderful 11:00 a.m.  Players and coaches seemingly love that start time, yet another reason why I’m not a player or coach.   I’ll be tailgating early, yet another another reason I’m not a player or coach, come join me when you will.  We’ll have various breakfast type things there.  Maybe some Sausage-Egg Casserole.  Saccharin Enhanced Cakes.  Seared Easter Candy.  Stop, everyone cries.

Perhaps the best thing about the coming conference change means I finally get some new material for these stupid tailgate emails.  In the meantime, here’s one of my favorites from year’s gone by.  Interestingly, I learned last week in Waco that many Texans, even, felt the same way.  To the point of identifying a particular Texas fan’s type of laugh.  Strange, eye contend.

Go Tigers, beat Bevo.  And on a side note, screw ku.

It’s homecoming week here (again) in Columbia, Mo.  The sudden chill in the air, the falling leaves, the brrrrrr cold rain is proof enough, but the highly ranked team from Oklahoma coming to town unsuspecting of the beatdown that awaits them is a sure sign.  Like Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner last year, Oklahoma State arrives from the land thief state this year.  Game time is 11:00 a.m., televised on FX (good luck finding that on your television dials).  When Gahn McGhaffie returns the opening kick for a TD again, may you all thank me simultaneously for this comparison.

Ok, it’s not really homecoming again, it just feels like it.  (What’s that, maybe I just can’t remember parts of last week?  Shut your mouth.)  We’ll be tailgating early again, bring a breakfast dish of your liking, should you desire.

Speaking of “it’s not really”, it’s not really the best team from Oklahoma coming to town, this is Oklahoma State.  They’re just coming to teach us how to Gundy.  Not content with being the second best team in Oklahoma (to OU), nor the (traditionally) second best OSU (to Ohio State), nor having the craziest coach (to Les Miles, their former coach), nor having the second craziest rich old alumni (ok, I give, I can’t think of anyone crazier than T. Boone Pickens), they’ve also gone all Oregon with the insane uniform combinations.  A wise man often told me (when Ok State came to town) that you can’t be proud walking around in orange pants.  It seems they 75% agree, as white, black, and grey are equally as likely Saturday.

Go Tigers.  Celebration of the second of the nine-game winning streak to finish the year (and the Big 12-2-1+1?) will be celebrated postgame.

Happy Homecoming Tiger fans,

100 years of Homecoming will be celebrated with pomp and circumstances of interest all over town this weekend.  The kids and I will be taking advantage of the first ever non-rainy homecoming to attend house decs Friday night, then the tailgate is on for Saturday prior to the 1 p.m. game against the Iowa State Cyclones. Join us at as many of those things as you like.

As has become recent tradition, Wingate Pest and Lawn Control is buying the food for the homecoming game.  Buckinghams will be bringing the spread.  If you’d like to contribute, any non-bbq or baked bean item would be acceptable.  I think I’m skipping the parade and will just be at the tailgate all morning, so stop by whenever you like.

No Mizzou football related email would be current without some level of grumbling over something or anonymous sourced SEC speculation.  That said, I recently overheard someone close to the University say that I (me, Jason) would like to punch about half the people grumbling and all of the people reporting anonymous sourced SEC speculation.  ISUck. I suck.

Call Wingate for all your pest and lawn control needs.  (Irony of having many pests and not that much growing grass at our tailgate spot duly noted.)  Go Tigers, Go Cardinals.  But not those Cardinals that had the misfortune of being caught in a tornado, screw those guys.  And the mythical shoe-wearing birds.

Thursday greetings, Tiger fans.  The good guys host the Leathernecks from Western Illinois on Saturday, kickoff is at 6:00 p.m.  The annual B-2 flyover will happen this game, sometime around 5:50, they say, so go in early or otherwise be prepared to shriek like a little girl when the thing flies over and surprises you.

Tailgate fare will include ribs from SE Missouri courtesy of Nancy & Bill and wings from Central Missouri courtesy of whichever restaurant I buy them from.  I’ll be at the spot by early afternoon, come join me when you will.

I’d make a bunch of time out jokes, but, then I’d have to punch myself in the face repeatedly.  And then put ice on my bruises.  And then make a bunch of “icing” jokes, which would make me stab myself in the eardrum.  It’s a vicious cycle.  It’s safe to say I don’t believe any time outs called or not played a factor in the outcome of the game, for any that are wondering.  And I’m sure you were all wondering.

The boys still have a chance to win the Big ?? conference, Go Tigers!  and on a side note, screw ku.

Greetings Tiger football fans,

It’s once again the happiest time of the year, with football season upon us.  Our beloved Tigers take on Miami on Saturday at 11:00 a.m.  For at least one more year, Lot D is our spot, so you can look for us in a strikingly similar location and setup as previous years.  I’ll be out there early, feel free to join whenever, any and all are welcome.  If you’d happen to like to bring a breakfast or brunch dish, I’m going to guess that it would be eaten.  As usual, if you’d like me to bring stuff to the tailgate for you, just drop it on the porch sometime Friday night and I’ll throw it in the truck.

As the excellent Dave Matter points out in the Columbia Tribune, Miami seems concerned about how we refer to them.  From their game notes, “When referring to Miami, please use either Miami, Miami University or Miami (Ohio). Please do not use Miami of Ohio or University of Miami, etc. The latter are not the proper names for our institution. Thank you.”

Mizzou evidently played the Miami last year as well, the fact that I have absolutely no memory of the 51-13 victory tells you almost how interested I am in this contest.  So I’m going with “Miami (no memory)” as my reference point and hoping that holds true again this year.  A 30-point beating is my hope, with new QB James Franklin’s dimples having their coming out party on national television.  And I miss beating the orange makes me ILL crowd every year for the first game, it turns out.

Since I have nothing funny to say about Miami (no memory), but need some material, I turn gratefully to K-State, always nice enough to provide fodder.  Commonly, you’ve got all you need just from their head of a mascot.  A few years ago, they provided the Power Towel gem.  Just today, the internets give us the K-State gift of EcoKat — the conservation and recycling centric mascot who is willing to sacrifice 3-4 bottles of Aqua Net just to make her hair enticing enough to attract recyclers yet dangerous enough to ward off Willie the Wildcat.  Bless their hearts.

Happy football, Go Tigers.

p.s.  I lost my “tailgaters” e-mail list when I left Miller’s.  And my paycheck, for that matter.  Anyway, some of you may have never received this stupidness before, some of you may wish you’d never have received it, and it’s possible I’ve left off someone that might need this information, should such a person exist. Whatevs.  Six times a year, every home game, laying out the tailgating plans (which will become a bit more important this year with the loss of the company sponsored tailgates).  on a side note, screw ku.

Sadly, the final home game of the season is upon us yet again.  The Tigers host the Wildcats from k-state on Saturday, at 11:30.  Tailgate fare is again provided by Hoss’s Market, courtesy of Miller’s Professional Imaging.  Biscuits and gravy, egg casserole, pulled pork sandwiches, and so on will be served beginning by 9:30 a.m., I’ll be there well before that.  Not sure if the kids will be in attendance or not, should your decision be influenced by that in any way.

As appropriate for a visit by the grumpy old man coach in purple, I assume we’ll hear lots and lots of grumblings in our section from the old timers about how awful things have been recently.  They’ll also refer to how grumpy old man is a much better coach than our guy.  They won’t refer to grumpy’s 21-22 record over the past 3+ seasons, compared to our guy’s 37-11 mark in that time.   I assume they’ll also not refer to the fact that we’ll still win 10 games this year, before the bowl game, are going to celebrate the winningest senior class in Tiger history, and are generally in pretty good shape.  Better to be irrationally grumpy in mid-Missouri (pot, kettle, hi.)

They’ll have senior day festivities before the game, so go in early and cheer for these guys, all of whom are on track to graduate in May.  The third straight year, I think, that all seniors will have graduated.  Go Tigers!

Give ’em bruises, give ’em stitches, beat them Sooner sons a bitches.

The Tigers host Oklahoma tomorrow night at 7:00 p.m., as you might have heard.  Like Ron Burgundy, it’s kind of a big deal.   It’s also Homecoming, which traditionally means I make jokes about how it always rains at Homecoming.  There’s a reason I make those jokes.

The Homecoming Parade is at Noon, I’ll go to the tailgate from there.  Food this week is provided by Todd Bennington and Bryan Ninichuck (and Natalie and Val, I bet) of Wingate Pest Control and Lawn Maintenance fame.   Call Wingate for all your pesty lawn needs.   Chili, chili dogs, frito pies, and possibly other chili dishes will be the fare.  If interested in bringing anything else, a small side dish should cover any needs.   If you’re thinking about bringing any beer, don’t.  We have lots of beer.  Seriously, we have beer.

OU is favored, more highly ranked, and so on.  But it feels a lot like 2003 vs Nebraska to me.  Night game, rain, an opponent that’s not as good as they have been, and one that Mizzou owes a beating to, both because it’s simply been long enough and something necessary to take the next step.  OU is good, though, but it seems like Mizzou is too.  Should be a fun time.

p.s. I’m a little fired up about the game.

The beloved Tigers from Mizzou host the Colorado Buffaloes on their farewell tour this Saturday, kickoff is at 6:00 p.m.  I’m hosting a 20-year fraternity pledge class reunion at the tailgate, which is clearly both good and bad news.  Good news means food will again be provided by Hoss’s Market, there around 3:00 p.m.   I’ll be at the tailgate by Noon.  Bad news, well, we won’t get into that fully, but it’s safe to assume there will be ridiculous claims, tales of freakish adventure, and mildly inappropriate nicknames, and that’s just from the Preacher in the group.

The start of Big 12 play also means the bitterness is back in full swing, as you’ll soon notice.   The message of this week’s tailgate will be “Hey, shut up with your freaking 5th down stories already.  Yeah, I remember, thanks.  And yeah, it still makes me mad.  And yeah, he still hasn’t scored.  Yes, random fan in Boulder last year asking us if we still took that seriously, yes, we do.  Shut up.  We wuz robbed.  Seriously, shut up.  Or at least take down that national championship sign, either way.  Oh hey, look, the Tigers scored again.  Shut up.”

With the 5th down nonsense, 55-0 shall be the final score.   See you there at Noon.  Or 4.

This Saturday the Tigers (of Missouri) take on the mighty RedHawks (formerly Redskins) from Miami (of Ohio).  Game time is at 1:00 p.m., we’ll be at the tailgate by 10:00.  Ribs from SE Missouri (of the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten) have made the trip, if anyone is interested in bringing a side dish, am sure that will be eaten as well.

Beyond moving to 4-0 on the season, Saturday is also Adelaide (of Columbia)’s birthday.  She’ll be 8, and we’ll have birthday cake (of HyVee) and ice cream (of Central Dairy) at the tailgate for that.  This afternoon she and three friends are having a tie dye party, making shirts and whatnot.

I tried to look up some stuff about Miami (of Ohio) to make fun of, but quickly found out that I didn’t care too much.  Hey, they’re in Ohio! pretty much seems to be what you need to know.  The parenthetical will be the stuff of making fun this week.   They do have some Columbia connections.  Defensive coordinator is Carl Reese, a 1966 Mizzou grad and former Mizzou coach (1966, 1977-81).  And #64 Josh Harvey (of Hickman HS) is an offensive lineman for them.  And it’s been scientifically proven that anyone who wears #64 is a super genius funny guy.

They also make a big point of being the “Cradle of Coaches”.  Of course in that category they list their Synchronized Skating coaching connections as proof, among other things, so let’s not get carried away with those stories.

Go Tigers, happy birthday to AEB, see you at the tailgate.