Talking About Talking
Adelaide and I have twice gone to an appointment with a counselor, after the relatively recent story of her wanting to talk with someone. I had no idea where to go, so called our pediatrician for a recommendation then went to that place.
It’s a “counseling agency providing therapy from a Christian perspective” which freaks me out for mostly known reasons. Basically, some of that stuff is scarier than the unknown. And leads to questions with answers of “God’s plan” which is not really how I want Adelaide to think of her mom’s death. Just because I don’t have a better answer doesn’t mean I have to accept that one. Generally speaking, I’d just like to be in control of how and where the kids are exposed to religion.
Although it makes sense, I’m also not in the room when Adelaide and the counselor talk (unless Adelaide wants me to be, which she did the first visit) and am not privy to what they discuss. Throw that lack of control and knowledge with my paranoia and worry on the religious side of the therapy, Adelaide’s therapy is generally not therapeutic for me thus far. Perhaps, to quote Flavor Flav, I “got problems of my own.”
After the two visits, Adelaide likes it a lot. I’m not at all convinced, though, that she doesn’t enjoy it simply for some individual attention with an adult female. Can I quote Flavor Flav again here? Anyway, we’re headed out of town so the next two visits are cancelled, giving me a chance to figure out both how much Adelaide is getting out of it and where I stand on the thing.
While in their safely lit slightly comfortable waiting room, I also have the fun of completing page after page after page of forms. After too many to count instance of names, dates, numbers, emergency contact numbers, important people in your life, what are those names again, any major medical issues, when did you last wet the bed, sorry, the names once again, the last two questions were: “Describe an important family value” and “How would you describe the child as a person?”
Now “describe an important family value” is an open-ended nightmare, but being asked to describe the child you brought to therapy while also being nervous about what’s being said in both directions, and the lack of knowledge I’d have about that, is even worse. I think she’s great and happy. So either the therapist agrees and we all wonder why we’re here, or she doesn’t and my lack of insight to the kid shines back on me. Stupid blanks.
In the end, I answered as follows. Our important family value is “Be nice, courteous, and laugh.” I should have added something about grammatical parallelism evidently. And described Adelaide as “smart, funny, creative, polite, and generous.” I’m happy with both of those answers, so therapy accomplished that, at least.
Sidenote, true story, not only do I have problems of my own, I also have a rip in my couch.
Cougar Basketball Academy
Adelaide, Jack, and Payton are each at Cougar Basketball Academy at Columbia College this week, which has been quite fun. Every year I worked over there, I’d make a point to stop by and watch this camp, because it was so fun(ny). Was especially easy the few years my office was in the gym. Exceptionally funnier when you know the kids out there, though. Watching Jack dribble around like crazy with his tongue sticking out made me smile bigger than anything in recent memory. Similarly, watching Adelaide be hesitant, then completely get into it was great. Or trying to catch up to Payton running around. Good stuff.
Here are some pics.
Summers and Birthdays, Memories and Dri Fit
This is the first week of summer vacation for the kids, which means the first week of sitter roulette at the house. Our now long-time sitter has the kids two days each week, a new sitter has them another two days, with a grandma taking care of the final day. Both kids are scheduled for Columbia College basketball camp next week, with soccer camp and vacation bible school coming later this summer. We’ll also take a trip to Colorado over the 4th of July – no real plans, just for fun.
Today is also Jack’s birthday, he’s now five. So five years ago yesterday, about the time of this writing, I rushed home from work to pick up Sarah and speed to the hospital. We got a slight police escort through downtown and rushed inside before things slowed down dramatically, a monster thunderstorm came through Columbia, and JTB was eventually delivered via c-section around 1:35 in the morning of June 9.
Adelaide whispering secrets to Jack
Also means, of course, that Sarah’s birthday and our anniversary have just passed, and that another memorable time of the year is coming right up. Except for Jack’s birthday, none of the other dates are especially difficult or troubling for me. I certainly wish Sarah was around whenever we’re celebrating something, but don’t necessarily miss her more or think of her more on the ‘bad’ days. In all, it’s just a time of the year with a lot of memories.
At least yesterday, the same seems to be true for Adelaide. Occasionally she’ll be upset, especially around bed time, with the only real verbal explanation that she misses mommy. This happened extremely rarely early on, has become a bit more frequent over the last 6-8 months, but is still not a common thing. Right or wrong, more than once I’ve at least partially chalked it up to avoiding bedtime. Not saying she didn’t miss Sarah or wasn’t upset, but that it seemed to be at least as much about going to bed.
Last night was a little different, she was both very upset and more willing to talk to me about it than normal. She said she was just thinking about mommy, “what she looked like and stuff”, and became upset. After a little time and a little talking, said she was just thinking about “how nice she was and how fun she was”. At which point of course I’m crying, even though Adelaide isn’t anymore.
In all, I think it’s healthy, although it hurts me to watch her go through it. She’d spent some time weekly recently with the counselor at school, “talking about memories” so I think she might be missing that some too. From the moment I told the kids about Sarah being gone, Adelaide has been very hesitant to talk to me about anything except happy memories, and wouldn’t let me see her upset for a long time. As she fell asleep last night, she said she might like to find someone to talk with about memories and such, so I’ve scheduled an introductory appointment for that to happen. No matter what, I think it’ll be good for her to have someone to talk freely with.
On a completely different topic, I had a great time on my trip to Dallas a few weeks ago. If you ever think about going to the Byron Nelson golf tournament, you should. Especially if you have a hook up like we ended up with. Or appreciate sun dresses. Or booze. Same thing for a Jimmy Buffet concert, even if you’re a music snob (Sammy). And if you’re a single male aged 35 or below, I’d recommend you go to one of those events, then just never leave Dallas.
Finally, I’m so sick of the PacBig1012141618 expansion “reporting”. Someone text me when it’s over. And I’m becoming a little obsessed with Dri Fit clothing. If anyone has a closet full of golf shirts/t-shirts/shorts made of the deliciously wicking fabric, I’ll be happy to come take some off your hands. On a PacBig1012141618 note, screw ku (although I sincerely wish that Mizzou, Nebraska, and ku would all go to the Big 10 should that really shake out).
AEB Autobiography
Adelaide wrote her autobiography for her 1st grade class. A pdf version is here. Below is the full text, in case any is hard to read.
Cover: Adelaide’s Autobiography
Dedication: I dedicate this book to Stella Will my friend. Because she is nice and she livs (lives) close to me.
About the Author: My name is Adelaide Elizabeth Becking. I am in first grade. I go to Grant School in Columbia, Missouri. My teacher’s name is Mrs. Williams. I like to play with my American Girl dolls. I wrote this book in March 2010. I hope you enjoy my book!
- Chapter 1 — When I Was A Baby
On September 25 2002 a girl was born at Boone count-y Hospital the parents named me Adelaide Elizabeth Becking. - My hair color was brown. My weight was 8 pounds and 4 oz. I was 21″ long. The time I was born was at 3:35. I had blue eyes. My first word was purple. I said it like purlpe. It was prulpe because my eyes were sometime purlpe. I walk-
- ed at the age of 1 or some-thing like that. My favorite doll was papa.
- Chapter 2 — About My Family
In 2002 I was born. 3 years later in 2005 my Mom Sarah Becking gave birth to a boy name- - d Jack Thayer Becking. He is my brother and he can be crazy but I love him. My dad Jason Lee Becking makes pictures well prints some. Jason loves Mu. He loves Espn. My Dad love to go to the Mizzou gams. Woosh woosh watch out hera (here)
- comes my mom. My mom grow up skiing she was very good at it. I never saw her do it. She grow up in Denver, Colorado or something in Colorado.
- Chapter 3 — My Friends
So Chapter 3 is My Friends right. If you said right it’s right. I am going to tell abute (about) friends but cousin friends the - one I am going to talk abute now is Jacob. He has a pool. He likes it. Ther is alute abute (there is a lot about) Jacob I am not going to tell all abute Jacob and that is all. Callob (Caleb) wake up I am talking abute you now!!!!!!! Callob and Jacob are brothers. Callob is the igzat (exact) same
- as Jacob but there difret (different) ages. No Patin (now Payton) he has a little brother named Reid he has a little sisster named Litea (Lydia). He
- likes to wrestle. He likes video gams. No Reed. He is 3 years old. He likes to be like his big brother. He has a bike that he loves.
- Chapter 4 — When I Grow Up
When I grow up I will teach in Denver Colorado. 3D art. I will go to Mizzou Colleg. - For a car I will have a Jeep that is black with peace signs of course. Lets see hear I will go to Bruin Hig School. I want to go to the sorority Kapp Kapp Gamma. After I retire I will move to Glenwood Springs.
- It will be fun.
Keep Dancing
Realizing it’s been a long time since I wrote anything here… thinking my incessant drivel on twitter is serving somewhat to unbottle my nonsense that would normally then fester until finding its way here.
Last week was dance recital week at CPAC in Columbia, which is quite a scene (pictures coming soon). Adelaide is in two classes this year, so two dress rehearsals, two recitals, (and two sets of pictures and DVDs to purchase). At the first set of pictures, I was saying hello to one of CPAC’s main folks, who commented something like “This is the two weeks where you guys really hate us, isn’t it?” Struck me as funny, mostly because it used to be true, but not at all true now. And that I wish everyone involved could see how hard those folks work for these two weeks.
Sarah always took pictures out there, which used to be a two week process. So took place every night, or what felt like was every night, many of them with a child who was nursing, meaning I was scrambling all over town. Then long nights for her, I just really didn’t like it very much. Over time, though, got better, for lots of reasons. Their process improves every year, they were able to improve how pictures worked every year, and then I probably got better at watching the kids too. Regardless, the irony is that what I used to consider to be such a pain now is completely nothing and fun, precisely because what I used to consider to be such a pain is now normal. Much credit continues to go to neighbors and grandmothers for their assistance, however. I may be able to shuttle more easily, but I’m still not allowed to do makeup, buns, or low pony tails.
Otherwise, generally speaking, all is well. Personally, I’m doing pretty well, while professionally I continue to be in a job better than I deserve. I wish the professional was a little more to my liking at the moment, but it has a history of ebbing and flowing, so I’ll just hope that it squares up again soon. I’ve been on a couple of dates recently (with the same person). Which is odd, but good. I’d tried dating a bit before, but as I believe I’ve said here, failed mostly because of my issues. Combination of lots of things, but am mostly enjoying it now. About three months ago, I typed “And when I think about dating, I end up with the firm conviction that I only want to go on dates with someone that I know well that I don’t know at all. A convenient definition of a person that doesn’t exist.” Not exactly, but is reasonably close to the person who shall go unnamed at the moment.
I’m headed to Dallas on Thursday, for a weekend of fun with a friend from Mizzou days. One of more than a few friends I have now that I consider to be very close friends, which I really wasn’t all that tight with in college. Weird, since Mizzou is the connection, but am happy for it. (Obviously, I guess, or I wouldn’t travel all over the US to see these people.) Just a weekend when I was able to go, plus timing of a PGA tournament there that I’ve always heard is a good time. Then later realization that Buffett was playing on Saturday night (shut it music snobs), so I will return, but my liver may remain in Texas. Wish it worked out where I could see more friends in Texas, since I seem to have many there now, but oh well. Another trip when it’s hotter, I guess.
The CPAC dancers are reminded frequently to just keep dancing. Hair falls out of the bun, shoe comes off, whatever, just keep dancing. Insert witty/insightful comment about how I’m doing that too here.
p.s. I’m moderately interested in Mizzou potentially going to Big 10. I’m not interested in hourly updates on the alleged whispered conversations. Someone text me when it’s over.
Tripping Disneys
The kids & I took vacation last week, spending 4 nights on the Disney Wonder cruise ship, then joining Bill & Nancy at Disney World for the next 3 nights. Pictures of the whole thing are here. When thinking about planning the trip, I received excellent advice which I then ignored, which I now pass on as my own excellent advice. If thinking about this trip, just do the cruise, skip the Disney parks. If anything, just do a day at the Magic Kingdom and call it done. That’ll satisfy everyone’s need to say they went to Disney World, while also proving to yourself that just doing the cruise was the correct decision.
It wasn’t that Disney World was bad, at all, it was just that it was one of their busiest weeks of the year. So every line was longer, every bus was more crowded, every restaurant was booked. Contrast with no lines, no walking, and food literally anytime you wanted it on the cruise, again, an easy decision.
We went to St. Louis on Saturday night, then flew out of STL at 7:00 Sunday morning. We landed at 10:30 or so, then went directly to the ship. That worked out perfectly, as we were on the boat for about 3 hours before we departed, which meant a full day of swimming, seeing, etc., while most everyone else was staggering aboard.
After leaving, the ship stopped at Nassau, The Bahamas, and at Castaway Cay, Disney’s island, each for a day. In both cases we spent a couple of hours on the beach, the rest of the time on the boat. The kids both loved the beach at Nassau (actually went to Paradise Island) because of the waves crashing in. Was more stressful for me there, though, as waves crashing in sometimes meant Jack knocked off his feet rushing back out with the wave. Castaway Cay beach was fully protected by an (artificial) reef, so super calm waters. The highlight there was a Sting Ray swimming up to about 10 feet away from Jack & me.
The rest of our time on the boat was filled with movies (G-Force 3D, Alice In Wonderland 3D, and The Last Song), swimming, live entertainment (3 Disney-themed musical shows, each of which were very good), and eating. For those (many, many, many) wondering what The Last Song is, it’s Miley Cyrus’ latest film. It’s very much worth pointing out The Last Song isn’t in reference to a concert or anything, but more about her character’s songwriter father’s final song. Hey, Miley’s dad died, what an awesome movie! Ugh. Adelaide did get to see it before almost everyone in the world, since we watched it at 9:30 a.m. Eastern on it’s opening day, so there was that at least.
The cruise’s success might best be summed up by Jack, who said something like the following, about 23 hours after being on board. “You know, when we watch TV, we really should think about watching Disney. We always watch Nick. But we should watch Disney.” And that he fell asleep every night either before or during dinner. Mouse, mission accomplished.
On Thursday morning we ate an early breakfast on board, then headed to Disney’s Animal Kingdom Lodge to meet Nancy & Bill. It was a very nice hotel, indeed did see giraffes and other animals outside our room. Only complaint would be the inability to get into any restaurant there, which held true pretty much everywhere.
Thursday afternoon was spent at the Animal Kingdom, with the favorite rides being the Safari and the River Rapids. We ate dinner at EPCOT (fish & chips), then went to the Magic Kingdom on Friday. Favorites there were Splash Mountain, Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin, and the race car Speedway. Saturday we went to Hollywood Studios where Star Tours (Star Wars ride) and the Indiana Jones Stunt show were the best things we did. In all of them, though, we missed many rides simply because of the crowds and the wait times.
Sunday we had Easter breakfast with Bill & Nancy, then flew back. Arriving back to Columbia sooner than expected, we also were able to have Easter dinner with Mike & Sarah Messer and others. All in all, a great week, but a boring blog post.
Doesn’t fit anywhere else, but should also point out that Adelaide was bummed we didn’t have a porthole in our cabin on the ship. Our private veranda wasn’t impressive at all, as “you can have one of those anywhere, like a hotel.” So keep that in mind when booking.
The Mitten – by Adelaide E. Becking
The Mitten (pdf file, full version of what’s below)
Following is the full text, as written by Adelaide. (Anything in parentheses is me clarifying.)
- The Mitten
by Adelaide E. Becking - I dedicate this book to my Mom sarah Becking cass (cause) she was a vary spasher prsin (very special person) and she cunit fid thing alot (couldn’t find things a lot).
- One Winter night a girl named Sarah went out to the store and got hot chocolate. When she got home she notice
- her mitten was gone. She started thinking where she was. She was still in colorado. “I must have droped it on the way to the store.” “I’ll go back to look.”
- Pherr siad (Brr said) the cat. I wish I could find a cozzy plas (cozy place) for my lite fuzzy fur. I found a home! I found
- a home! I am going to shiv (?) in the mitten. This is a nice mitten I hope someone will come into my mitten
- Seconly a tiny frog was jumping along. He was very scared and cold he found a BIG dot. But when
- he got colser (closer) he notice it was a mitten! He said ribit ribit is enyone (anyone) home. “I, said the cat.” “Wud (would) you like to come in?” “Ribit yes”! So he wint in.
- Then a Dog came. It was playing in the snow. It was so cute he sail (saw) the mitten and whnt (went) to it.
- When it was going to the mitten it started to sink the Cat ran after the Dog. The Cat caught the Dog! And the Dog got out of the snow in gust (just) of time.
- Next a havy and harey (heavy and hairy) Bear was toping (hopping? loping?) along. And sail (saw) the mitten he ran affter it and leaped in
- it. None of them knew becaus they wher asep (were asleep). And he fal asep (fell asleep) to when he sail (saw) them. They wok up an our (hour) later. And they sail (saw) the Bear he whnt (went) out but the frog said hey dot (don’t) go we wuod (would) love for you to stahey (stay).
- Finally a big bad Moose with big antleers was going to the mitten he go in the mitten by pushing
- when he got comfortbole they shouted “get out intell (until) you say sorry!” So he said sorry and went in.
- Sarah went out to look for her mitten. Wien (when) she was out of site she sail (saw)
- the animais (animals) and said, “do you guys want to live with me.” And they all said yes!!!!
- ABOUT THE AUTHOR
My name is Adelaide E. Becking
I am in the First Grade
I go to Grant School in Columbia, Missouri.
My teacher’s name is Mrs. Williams
I like to play with my doills (dolls) and rid my souder (ride my scooter). I also like to read and writ.
I hope you enjoy my book.
I published the store The Mitten on Jan. 2010
My Mom — by Adelaide E. Becking
Poem by Adelaide, First Grade
My Friend — by Adelaide E. Becking
Poem by Adelaide, First Grade
Grant News
Jack is now a registered kindergartner. Mostly, anyway. We went on Wednesday and turned in all the paperwork and took a tour of the school, given by a current 5th grader. Jack followed around everywhere, with his hands in his jeans pockets, not answering nor asking any questions. When it was time to go to school the next day he asked if he was going to CDC (pre-school) or kindergarten. When told CDC, he replied “Good, i forgot to tell everyone there I registered.” Then on the drive by Grant that morning he waved real big at his new principal. He’s proud to be going and clearly ready to go, I think
As for Adelaide, we met in her 1st Grade class this morning at 7:45, where they showed off their writings. She’s written a book, which I’ll try to scan and post here eventually, plus a couple of poems. They also had group research projects about various arctic animals. Here’s a link to Stella, Abby, and Adelaide’s recording of their project on Beluga Whales.